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Advertisements are becoming more and more common in everyday life. Is this a positive or negative development?

Advertisements are becoming more and more common in everyday life. Is this a positive or negative development? 0Pn5
Nowadays, Advertisement is an ubiquitous part of the human life and many people believe that this issue is a two-edged sword. This essay will first suggest that make informed choices by costumers is one of the integral part of the shopping, followed by how it can sometimes cause adverse impacts on families. If we believe that freedom is a key principle of democratic society, so people should have liberty in order to choose their needs. In other words, Adverts help people to distinguish between fairly bargain and the expensive one. Another contributing factor is that adverts inform people about the environmental impacts of goods. A recent survey conducted by Marketing Essential Society (MES) reported that 85% of people are being content when they buy their needs after comparing them with other available one. On the other hand, Children can not distinguish between actual TV programmes and Commercials, so they think that they can have an access to everything and pester their families in order to reach their needs. Some advertising Companies use Cartoon Heroes and characters in order to persuade children to buy their goods. For example, 40 years Disney company featuring Mcdonalds in order to target children's market without considering that fast food is one the main reason for child obesity. In conclusion, making an informed choice without any restriction is one of the basic part of human rights. Although, people should be wary of some advertising companies which just think about the revenue.
Nowadays, Advertisement is
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
ubiquitous part of the human life and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that this issue is a two-edged sword. This essay will
first
suggest that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
informed choices by costumers is one of the integral part of the shopping, followed by how it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
cause adverse impacts on families.

If we believe that freedom is a key principle of democratic society,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should have liberty in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
to choose

their needs.
In other words
, Adverts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to distinguish between
fairly
bargain and the expensive one. Another contributing factor is that adverts inform
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about the environmental impacts of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
. A recent survey conducted by Marketing Essential Society (MES) reported that 85% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are being content when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
their needs after comparing them with other available one.

On the other hand
, Children can not distinguish between actual TV
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
and Commercials,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they can have
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "access".
an access
to everything and pester their families in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
to reach their needs.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
advertising
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
Cartoon Heroes and characters in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
to persuade children to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
.
For example
, 40 years Disney
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
featuring
Did you mean the fast food chain "McDonald's" (always spelled with a possessive apostrophe)?
Mcdonalds
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
to target children's market without considering that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food is
Did you mean "one of"?
one
the main reason for child obesity.

In conclusion
, making an informed choice without any restriction is one of the basic part of human rights.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be wary of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advertising
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about the revenue.
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IELTS essay Advertisements are becoming more and more common in everyday life. Is this a positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
245 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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