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Advantages and disadvantages of watching television by childrens

Advantages and disadvantages of watching television by childrens OVMpj
It is true that these days, watching television is a quiet common habit of people when compared to the past. Especially children like watching television spend over time in front of it. However, this indoor activity has both prons and cons that I will discuss in the following paragraphs. Let's start by looking at the advantages for young generation of television. One of the biggest advantages is that children make cleverer and helps to create fast paced brainstorm. It means there are lot of educational programmes. By watching documentaries and creative programmes they can broaden their horizons. Another important positive thing is getting more general knowledge about the whole world through watching important local and international news that will helps their educational purposes. Turning to the other side of the argument there are some drawback behind this circumstances. firstly, spending a lot of time in this indoor activity affect their eyes which leads vision problem without keeping correct distance. Another major drawback is that children loss social distance with others and gradually they are isolated from society. In conclusion, television is one of the important equipments for transforming informations to the people. Personally, I believe the benefits in terms of educational improvement eventually outweigh any drawbacks.
It is true that these days, watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is a quiet common habit of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
when compared to the past.
Especially
children like watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
spend over time in front of it.
However
, this indoor activity has both
Possible spelling mistake found.
prons
and cons that I will discuss in the following paragraphs.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
by looking at the advantages for young generation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
. One of the biggest advantages is that children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
cleverer and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
paced brainstorm. It means there are
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
educational
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
. By watching documentaries and creative
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
they can broaden their horizons. Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
thing is getting more general knowledge about the whole world through watching
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
local and international news that will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
their educational purposes.

Turning to the other side of the argument there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawback behind
Did you mean "these"?
this
circumstances.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
firstly
, spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time in this indoor activity affect their eyes which leads vision problem without keeping correct distance. Another major drawback is that children loss social distance with others and
gradually
they
are isolated
from society.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
equipments for transforming
The word 'informations' is a legal term. In standard English, the word 'information' is a non-count noun. Did you mean "information"?
informations
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Personally
, I believe the benefits in terms of educational improvement
eventually
outweigh any drawbacks.
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IELTS essay Advantages and disadvantages of watching television by childrens

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
206 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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