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Advances in technology and automation have reduced the need for manual labour. Therefore working hours should be reduced

Work-life balance is a buzzword these days and a group of people think that offices should decrease the working hours. They express their view on the fact that automation and technological advancements enable employees to do more works per hour and hence their office hours should be reduced. This essay delves into the issue and expresses my viewpoint. To begin with, technological advancements and computerisation in an office greatly enhance the productivity of people. As a result, the staff can produce more output and can perform more efficiently. For example, in the pre-computer era, a bank cashier had to work manually, check different ledger books, verify a person’s identity and then pay a customer. Moreover, at the end of the day, the cashier had to calculate all the transactions before he could leave the office alone with other cashiers. However, this is not longer the case with the automation in the banking industry. A cashier can now serve more than 3-5 customers in 15 minutes and at the end of the day, the banking software does the calculation. Hence, reducing the working hours seems quite logical to me. Furthermore, motivating employees and retaining the key employees are two challenges every organization faces in this competitive age. Reducing the working hours could be an effective solution in achieving better success in the long run. Since most of the employees, these days, perform more tasks due to the technological help they should be given more time to spend with their family to establish a healthy professional and personal life balance. Finally, organizations which need to remain open 24/7 like the hospital, fire-service, hotel and so on should implement a rostering system and take advantages of the modern technology as much as possible to reduce the manual works. This would not only enhance their overall productivity but also establish a healthy and productive work environment. To conclude, considering everything, I personally believe that the working hours of office employees should be reduced as it would both motivate staff and help organisations retain their better-performing employees and generate more output.
Work-life balance is a buzzword these days and a group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offices
should decrease the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
. They express their view on the fact that automation and technological advancements enable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to do more works per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hour
and
hence
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
. This essay delves into the issue and expresses my viewpoint.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, technological advancements and
Possible spelling mistake. ‘computerisation’ is British English.
computerisation
in an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
greatly
enhance the productivity of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
As a result
, the staff can produce more output and can perform more
efficiently
.
For example
, in the pre-computer era, a bank
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cashier
had to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
manually
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ledger books, verify a person’s identity and then pay a customer.
Moreover
, at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the day, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cashier
had to calculate all the transactions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
he could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
alone with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cashiers
.
However
, this is not longer the case with the automation in the banking industry. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cashier
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
serve more than 3-5 customers in 15 minutes and at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the day, the banking software does the calculation.
Hence
, reducing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
seems quite logical to me.

Furthermore
, motivating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
and retaining the key
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
are two challenges every organization faces in this competitive age. Reducing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
could be an effective solution in achieving better success in the long run. Since most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
, these days, perform more tasks due to the technological
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
they should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
more time to spend with their family to establish a healthy professional and personal life balance.

Finally
, organizations which need to remain open 24/7 like the hospital, fire-service, hotel and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on should implement a
Possible spelling mistake found.
rostering
system and take advantages of the modern technology as much as possible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the manual works. This would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
enhance their
overall
productivity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
establish a healthy and productive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
environment.

To conclude
, considering everything, I
personally
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
as it would both motivate staff and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
Do not mix variants of the same word (‘organisation’ and ‘organization’) within a single text.
organisations
retain their better-performing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
and generate more output.
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IELTS essay Advances in technology and automation have reduced the need for manual labour. Therefore working hours should be reduced

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
346 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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