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Adult youth are often call Alfaro working for the development of communities some people say that should work volunteer where is other said that they should get paid discuss about the view and give you and

Adult youth are often call Alfaro working for the development of communities some people say that should work volunteer where is other said that they should get paid discuss about the view and give you and 3njY
In this present era, the young generation went for working and they helped to upgrade society's lifestyle. While, few parents believe that children should work as a volunteer, the rest of the parents are not support that statement. They feel students should get paid for their work efforts. This essay will explain both the aspects and also gives my opinion in the following paragraphs. To embarks with, plenty of things, which indicated that voluntary work is reasonable for students as well as society. To begin with, the children who do unpaid work, they are more sensitive to their culture. So they will do work, which helps to develop their country. For example, Indian adults connect to charity or foundation, which do work for improving society lifestyle. So, they learn to develop the country. Therefore people think unpaid work is available for teenager and the nation too. On the other hand, Paid work has its own benefits. Firstly, if students do paid-work than, they do not require to ask their parents for money. They become independent at an early age. Secondly, adults can utilize money in their favourite areas without asking anyone. So, they can develop their investment skills which will be a great one for them. For instance, students in the USA want for a job at an early age. They are smarter than other countries children. To conclude, although, voluntary work is good for adult, paid work is more valuable. That makes them independent and also develop their financial skill in that age. In my opinion, I strongly feel that pay work is more valuable rather than unpaid.
In this present era, the young generation went for
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
working and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
to upgrade society's lifestyle. While, few parents believe that children should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as a volunteer, the rest of the parents are not support that statement. They feel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
paid for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
efforts. This essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
both the aspects and
also
gives my opinion in the following paragraphs.

To embarks with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of things, which indicated that voluntary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is reasonable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
as well
as society. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the children who do unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, they are more sensitive to their culture.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they will do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
develop
their country.
For example
, Indian adults connect to charity or foundation, which do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for improving society lifestyle.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they learn to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
develop
the country.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is available for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
and the nation too.

On the other hand
, Paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
benefits.
Firstly
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
do paid-work than, they do not require to ask their parents for money. They become independent at an early age.
Secondly
, adults can utilize money in their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
areas without asking anyone.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
develop
their investment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which will be a great one for them.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in the USA want for a job at an early age. They are smarter than other countries children.

To conclude
, although, voluntary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for adult, paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is more valuable. That
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them independent and
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
develop
their financial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
in that age. In my opinion, I
strongly
feel that pay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is more valuable
rather
than unpaid.
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IELTS essay Adult youth are often call Alfaro working for the development of communities some people say that should work volunteer where is other said that they should get paid discuss about the view and give you and

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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