Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Academic and Professional Goals

Academic and Professional Goals DNGAm
When I applied for the Lincoln Scholarship, I chose E-Governance for academic interests. Before I state why I would like to study E-Governance system, let me introduce myself briefly. I have already received a Master Degree in Electronic Engineering. My studies already focus on the communications aspect of electronics. I always find out the opportunity to continue my study in both academic and professional. After the course of the Master program, firstly joined Horizon Telecom International Co. , Ltd. as a Telecommunication Engineer in the Engineering and Project Department. After one year experience promoted as a senior telecom engineer and after 3 years’ experience promoted as an executive engineer and company business plan also changed to Internet Service Provider from telecom industry. My responsibility also became the Transmission and Wireless Department. At this time, I was really satisfied with that job because it made me improve my educational background and I had tried to learn and achieved that post through working as an apprentice engineer. As engineering works mainly depend on the updated technologies, we need to conduct more research and development projects. So, I would like to do more projects and new challenges. Therefore, I moved to one of the successful system integration company. Now I work at KDDI Myanmar as a System Engineer. There are many projects I participated in such as New Network Infra Implementation, Office Network Expansion and some government related network projects. As per my experiences, government projects are working with old style and take too long in the cross-department processes. I think our country needs to use ICT infrastructure to improve communication for business development and smooth operation. Moreover, the E-Governance system is essential to improve productivity and better service quality for government, public and private business sectors. In next few years Myanmar will be developed and Infrastructure also ready for E-Governance. Although I already have ICT knowledge on Networking and System implementation but I also want to study how to implement E-Governance system. Therefore, I’d like to study E-Governance starting from now and to be ready when my country needs my contribution.
When I applied for the Lincoln Scholarship, I chose E-Governance for academic interests.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
I state why I would like to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
E-Governance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
me introduce myself
briefly
. I have already received a Master Degree in Electronic Engineering. My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
already focus on the
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "communications'" or "communication's"?
communications
aspect of electronics. I always find out the opportunity to continue my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
in both academic and professional.

After the course of the Master program,
firstly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
Horizon Telecom International Co.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
Ltd. as a Telecommunication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Engineer
in the Engineering and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Project
Department. After one year experience promoted as a senior telecom
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engineer
and after 3 years’ experience promoted as an executive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engineer
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
business plan
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
to Internet Service Provider from telecom industry. My responsibility
also
became the Transmission and Wireless Department. At this time, I was
really
satisfied with that job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it made me
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
my educational background and I had tried to learn and achieved that post through working as an apprentice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engineer
. As engineering works
mainly
depend on the updated technologies, we need to conduct more research and development
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
projects
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I would like to do more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
projects
and new challenges.
Therefore
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
to one of the successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
integration
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
I work at
Possible spelling mistake found.
KDDI
Myanmar as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
System
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Engineer
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
projects
I participated in such as New Network Infra Implementation, Office Network Expansion and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
related network projects.

As per my experiences,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
projects
are working with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
style and take too long in the cross-department processes. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
our country needs to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
ICT infrastructure to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
communication for business development and smooth operation.
Moreover
, the E-Governance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
is essential to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
productivity and better service quality for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, public and private business sectors. In
next
few years Myanmar will
be developed
and Infrastructure
also
ready for E-Governance. Although I already have ICT knowledge on Networking and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
System
implementation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
also
want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
how to implement E-Governance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
.
Therefore
, I’d like to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
E-Governance starting from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
and to be ready when my country needs my contribution.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay Academic and Professional Goals

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
349 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts