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A recent survey of 250 adults between the ages of 30 and 45 showed an association between the number of hours adults spend online each day and self-reporting of symptoms commonly associated with depression. The survey found that adults who spend 30 hours

A recent survey of 250 adults between the ages of 30 and 45 showed an association between the number of hours adults spend online each day and self-reporting of symptoms commonly associated with depression. The survey found that adults who spend 30 hours pRbkw
This argument is a memorandum about spending too much time online is caused to depression. This is an interesting argument but evidence provides does not make this case strongly enough to justify taking recommended action. Several questions would need to be answers to determine whether the author’s recommendation is reasonable and would lead to improved well-being. First the author assumes that based on survey report spending online each day will leads to depression. But survey responses can hardly be used as indicator of actual behavior. Even the wording of the survey results remains ambiguous and vague. The argument fails to explain what is reason behind among 250 adults between the ages of 30 and 45 adults affected by depression just because of spending too much time on online. Today, technology is fast growing and everything is now available on internet. People will get anything by just clicking one button of their laptop or computer. Second the argument addresses that spending 30 hours or more on online each week will cause trouble concentrating. While it is illogical because for example sometime adults do their work from home job and it will require internet and computer so that they can do their job by sitting at home. The survey does not confirm why it will create problem in concentrating? The author provides information about only those adults who reported spending 30 hours or more online each week online. We cannot make a meaningful comparison between groups without raw data about all of the survey participants. Finally, the author also says that 20 percent also reported that they had felt “sad, down, or blue “ at least three times within the past month. From this statement we do not get any correlation alone does not guarantee that time spent online caused these symptoms. It is quite possible that they were caused by some other factor. For instance, these adults may have had plenty of time to spend online because they were unemployed; if so, this life circumstance could be the underlying cause of their symptoms. In other words, it might be the depressive symptoms causing the behavior, rather than the behavior causing the depressive symptoms. Thus, the argument is not completely sound. Examining all the various angles and factors involved with spending too much time online cause depression, the argument does not justify the exact symptoms. However, the author’s argument is not likely significantly persuading the online usage time limit for everyone. While proposal does highlight a possibility, more information is required to warrant any action. Ultimately the argument might have been strengthened if the author could have shown that exact reason behind depression and also good or bad effects of online usage.
This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
is a memorandum about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
is caused
to depression. This is an interesting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
evidence provides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
does
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
this case
strongly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to justify taking recommended action. Several questions would need to be answers to determine whether the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author’s
recommendation is reasonable and would lead to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
well-being.

First
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
assumes that based on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
survey
report
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
each day will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "lead"
leads
to depression.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
survey
responses can hardly be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as indicator of actual behavior. Even the wording of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
survey
results remains ambiguous and vague. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
fails to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
what is reason behind among 250
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
between the ages of 30 and 45
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by depression
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, technology is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
growing and everything is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
available on internet.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
anything by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
clicking one button of their laptop or computer.

Second the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
addresses that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
30 hours or more on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
each week will cause trouble concentrating. While it is illogical
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
for example
sometime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
do their work from home job and it will require internet and computer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can do their job by sitting at home. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
survey
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
does
not confirm why it will create problem in concentrating? The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
provides information about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
who reported
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
30 hours or more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
each week
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
. We cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a meaningful comparison between groups without raw data about
Consider using "all the".
all of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
survey
participants.

Finally
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
also
says that 20 percent
also
reported that they had felt “sad, down, or blue
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
“
at least three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
within the past month. From this statement we do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
any correlation alone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
does
not guarantee that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
spent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
caused these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
symptoms
. It is quite possible that they
were caused
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other factor.
For instance
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
may have had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
were unemployed
; if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, this life circumstance could be the underlying cause of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
symptoms
.
In other words
, it might be the depressive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
symptoms
causing the behavior,
rather
than the behavior causing the depressive symptoms.

Thus
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
is not completely sound. Examining all the various angles and factors involved with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
cause depression, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
does
not justify the exact
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
symptoms
.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
is not likely
significantly
persuading the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
usage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
limit for everyone. While proposal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
does
highlight a possibility, more information
is required
to warrant any action.
Ultimately
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
might have
been strengthened
if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
could have shown that exact reason behind depression and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
usage.
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IELTS essay A recent survey of 250 adults between the ages of 30 and 45 showed an association between the number of hours adults spend online each day and self-reporting of symptoms commonly associated with depression. The survey found that adults who spend 30 hours

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
450 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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