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The following appeared in a memorandum written by the vice president of Health Naturally, a small but expanding chain of stores selling health food and other health-related products."Our previous experience has been that our stores are most profitable in

The following appeared in a memorandum written by the vice president of Health Naturally, a small but expanding chain of stores selling health food and other health-related products. " Our previous experience has been that our stores are most profitable in JoYAE
Here, the vice president of health naturally wants to open their new branch in Plainsville. To support his suggestion, he also gives some information that residents of Plainsville are highly concerned with leading health style. So, they can built their office in this city and can get maximum profit from it. Although, this kind of information, I refute this claim. It has many loopholes which make this argument unconvincing. Initially, the vice president says that Plainsville merchants report that sales of running shoes and exercise equipment are all time highs. Although, this statement might be true, it has not given numerical data and any specific company's selling details. He also condones the company which are already doing their business in Plainsville. This company might have relation with customers so strong that customers might not go to other shops to buy health related products. If this actually happens, the vice president's claim might bankrupt their company. Hence, the vice president should consider monopoly of the company which are already existed in Plainsville. Secondly, the vice president assumes that their new branch in Plainsville will make profit. But to bolster his claim, he should consider cost regarding construction of their new branch. This simply means that he should give estimation of total cost to establish their branch in Plainsville. So, the authority-president of company- can take fair disicion about construction of new branch in Plainsville. The vice president should also show that how much reliable merchants report is? What kind of data he considers during making claim that this new branch will be profitable to their company? At the end, the vice president cites that the school children should participate in the health program which emphasizes the benefits of exercise at early age. The vice president makes here the biggest assumption. At the time, when you are planning to open new office, you can not make assumption like this. One should consider the worst situations that might be emerged from this claim. So, you can calculate maximum risk that you will take to construct new branch. The author should give information without considering assumptions. In conclusion, I just want to tell that the vice president's claim is full of loopholes, flaws and assumptions. So, on the basis of information that he gives, one should not take risk to build new branch in Plainsville. If they really want to open, they should remove these assumptions, flaws and get some numerical data to make their claim strong.
Here, the vice president of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
naturally
wants to open their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
branch
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Plainsville
. To support his suggestion, he
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
that residents of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Plainsville
are
highly
concerned with leading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
style.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they can
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "build"
built
their office in this city and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
maximum profit from it. Although, this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
, I refute this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
claim
. It has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
loopholes which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
this argument unconvincing.

Initially
, the vice president says that
Possible spelling mistake found.
Plainsville
merchants report that sales of running shoes and exercise equipment are
It appears that a hyphen is missing in the adjective "all-time"
all time
highs. Although, this statement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be true, it has not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
numerical data and any specific
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
's selling
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
. He
also
condones the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
which are already doing their business in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Plainsville
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
have relation with customers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
strong that customers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
not go to other shops to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
related products. If this actually happens, the vice president's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
claim
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
bankrupt their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
.
Hence
, the vice president should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consider
monopoly of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
which are already existed in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Plainsville
.

Secondly
, the vice president assumes that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
branch
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Plainsville
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
profit.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
to bolster his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
claim
, he should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consider
cost regarding construction of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
branch
. This
simply
means that he should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
estimation of total cost to establish their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
branch
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Plainsville
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the authority-president of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company-
can take
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
Possible spelling mistake found.
disicion
about construction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
branch
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Plainsville
. The vice president should
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that how much reliable merchants report is? What kind of data he
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
considers
during making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
claim
that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
branch
will be profitable to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
?

At the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, the vice president cites that the school children should participate in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
program which emphasizes the benefits of exercise at early age. The vice president
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
here the biggest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
assumption
. At the time, when you are planning to open
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
office, you can not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
assumption
like this. One should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consider
the worst situations that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be emerged
from this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
claim
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, you can calculate maximum
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
that you will take to construct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
branch
. The author should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
without considering assumptions.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
that the vice president's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
claim
is full of loopholes, flaws and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
assumptions
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, on the basis of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
that he
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gives
, one should not take
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
to build
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
branch
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Plainsville
. If they
really
want to open, they should remove these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
assumptions
, flaws and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
numerical data to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
claim
strong.
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IELTS essay The following appeared in a memorandum written by the vice president of Health Naturally, a small but expanding chain of stores selling health food and other health-related products. " Our previous experience has been that our stores are most profitable in

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
413 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • The following appeared in a memorandum written by the vice president of Health Naturally, a small but expanding chain of stores selling health food and other health-related products."Our previous experience has been that our stores are most profitable in