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A recent national survey found that the majority of workers with access to the Internet at work had used company computers for personal or recreational activities, such as banking or playing games. In an effort to improve our employees' productivity, we s

A recent national survey found that the majority of workers with access to the Internet at work had used company computers for personal or recreational activities, such as banking or playing games. In an effort to improve our employees' productivity, we s aw8lm
The author of this memo suggests that for controlling the employees on the work, it is beneficial to install monitoring software. He states that employees use company's computers to their recreational activities and play games. He also imparts that controlling the employees by the internet software allow them to increase their productivity and profits. The close scrutiny of this memo reveals that all mentioned reasons are based on doubtful propositions. First of all, the argument relies on a shaky assumption that regarding to the national survey employee use personal activities. The writer fails to consider a precise data about survey. It is entirely possible that employees use personal computers in the time when they have break, thus playing game and recreational activities are not part of their work in the company. In addition, the argument provides no data about other workers who have no Internet accessibility since they concentrate on their work rather than their personal activities. Second, the arguer cites that to improve the employees' productivity the company should install a monitoring company Internet use from their workstation. Without rolling out some other explanations, the author cannot convince me that this is the case. It is plausible to seem that this software never be able to monitor workers. The author should provide more information about affordability of software in the company. The author also states this effort reduce the hours employees use computer for recreational activities. It is entirely possible that this play game enhance the quality of employees' work on their job since recreational activities enhance the productivity of the company. Such a kind of effort would have been reliable if the author would have been provided more information about the quality of workers in the company. Third, the writer indicates that installing monitoring software will pave the way to enhance the productivity of company and prevent waste time in the company by employees and leads to productivities and profits. The author of this passage fails to see other factors affecting the productivity of the company. It is possible that number of workers and geographical region of the company never allow to more productivities and profits. Or perhaps the worker use the Internet for company' profit. Therefore, the author should provide the more solid evidence about validity of software in all companies. All in all, based on poor evidence and unsubstantiated assumptions, the author's reasoning does not provide concrete evidence for support his conclusion. Had these details been mentioned along with supporting evidence, it would have been more through and convincing. To bolster this argument the author should provide more authentic data about discussed issues above maybe by a local survey or study.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
of this memo suggests that for controlling the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, it is beneficial to install monitoring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
software
. He states that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
's computers to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recreational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and play games. He
also
imparts that controlling the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
by the internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
software
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to increase their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
productivity
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profits
. The
Consider using "scrutiny".
close scrutiny
of this memo reveals that all mentioned reasons
are based
on doubtful propositions.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the argument relies on a shaky assumption that
The phrase 'regarding to' is not correct. Use "regarding" or "regard to".
regarding to
the national survey
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. The writer fails to consider a precise data about survey. It is
entirely
possible that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
personal computers in the time when they have break,
thus
playing game and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recreational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are not part of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
.
In addition
, the argument
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provides
no data about other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
who have no Internet accessibility since they concentrate on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
rather
than their personal activities.

Second, the arguer cites that to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the employees'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
productivity
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
should install a monitoring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
Internet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
from their workstation. Without rolling out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other explanations, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
cannot convince me that this is the case. It is plausible to seem that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
software
never be able to monitor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
more information about affordability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
software
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
also
states this effort
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the hours
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
computer for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recreational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. It is
entirely
possible that this play game enhance the quality of employees'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
on their job since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recreational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
enhance the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
productivity
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
. Such a kind of effort would have been reliable if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
would have
been provided
more information about the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

Third, the writer indicates that installing monitoring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
software
will pave the way to enhance the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
productivity
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
waste time in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
and leads to
Possible spelling mistake found.
productivities
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profits
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
of this passage fails to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
other factors affecting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
productivity
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
. It is possible that number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
and geographical region of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
to more
Possible spelling mistake found.
productivities
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profits
. Or perhaps the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worker
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the Internet for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profit
.
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
the more solid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
evidence
about validity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
software
in all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.

All in all, based on poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
evidence
and unsubstantiated assumptions, the author's reasoning does not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
concrete
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
evidence
for support his conclusion. Had these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
been mentioned
along with supporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
evidence
, it would have been more through and convincing. To bolster this argument the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
more authentic data about discussed issues above maybe by a local survey or study.
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IELTS essay A recent national survey found that the majority of workers with access to the Internet at work had used company computers for personal or recreational activities, such as banking or playing games. In an effort to improve our employees' productivity, we s

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
445 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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