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A lot of places in the world rely on tourism as main source of income, unfortunately, tourism can also be source of problems if it is not well managed. what are the advantages and disadvantages of tourism in the modern world? do you think that the benefits of tourism outweigh its drawbacks?

A lot of places in the world rely on tourism as main source of income, unfortunately, tourism can also be source of problems if it is not well managed. what are the advantages and disadvantages of tourism in the modern world? do you think that the benefits of tourism outweigh its drawbacks? GGnj
Although tourism contribute highly to the economies of many places, the influx of tourists can cause a number of issues. While it is a good opportunity to find job for local people and also boost economies of countries, it can also cause such problems as changing the local culture and places. In my opinion, people should attract the tourists to their countries for making their lives despite a few drawbacks. One of greatest benefits of accepting tourists to your local area is that it decrease the proportion of unemployment people. Because in order to host them you need employees. In addition, tourists are paying for accommodation, for entertainment. Hence that cities` income rise. For example, a small city is Kemer. It has experienced a dramatic growth of its economy over the past 20 years as well as showed a important fall for unemployment rates. Thanks to the tourism man local workers have occupation. The main downside of the tourism is that it will be caused to change the local culture when a lots of foreigners visit your city. Also they will bring their culture with themselves and it will be caused to exist variety of new habits. Because of that also you started to lose your values. For example, before tourism there were no any pubs and clubs in Turkey and society just listening to local sings in the entertainment places. In contrary now it is changed. In conclusion, numerous people in the world depends on the tourism in order to earn money. While local people`s culture and places are effected by tourist influx, it is in fact these changes that lead to the main advantages of tourism which are help people for finding job and increase the economies of countries. In my opinion, cultural changes not hold much significant compared to the job opportunities
Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
contribute
highly
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economies
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
, the influx of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
can cause a number of issues. While it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
opportunity to find job for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
also
boost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economies
of countries, it can
also
cause such problems as changing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should attract the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
to their countries for making their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
despite a few drawbacks.

One of
A determiner is probably missing here: "the greatest".
greatest
benefits of accepting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
to your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
area is that it decrease the proportion of unemployment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
in order to host them you need employees.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
are paying for accommodation, for entertainment.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
that cities` income rise.
For example
, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
city is
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kemer
. It has experienced a dramatic growth of its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
over the past 20 years
as well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
fall for unemployment rates. Thanks to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
workers have occupation.

The main downside of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
is that it will
be caused
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
when
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a lot" or simply "lots"?
a lots
of foreigners visit your city.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
they will bring their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
with themselves and it will
be caused
to exist variety of new habits.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
of that
also
you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to lose your values.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
there were
Did you mean "now" (=at this moment) instead of 'no' (negation)?
no
any pubs and clubs in Turkey and society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
listening to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
sings in the entertainment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
. In contrary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
.

In conclusion
, numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the world depends on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
in order to earn money. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
The character between 'people' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "people’s" (curly apostrophe) or "people's" (straight apostrophe).
people`s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
are effected
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
influx, it is in fact these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
that lead to the main advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for finding job and increase the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economies
of countries. In my opinion, cultural
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
not hold much significant compared to the job
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
opportunities
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IELTS essay A lot of places in the world rely on tourism as main source of income, unfortunately, tourism can also be source of problems if it is not well managed. what are the advantages and disadvantages of tourism in the modern world? do you think that the benefits of tourism outweigh its drawbacks?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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