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The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend.

The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend. BAbj
Obesity among children in western society is continuously increasing by 20% in the last ten years. There are many possible causes attributing to this disturbing trend, as well as harmful effects in the future of these young children. Firstly, one possible cause is due to lack of exercise among children. Nowadays, younger generations are so addicted to high tech gadgets such as Ipad and smartphones. Because of these, many children opted to stay at home rather than go out and be more physically active. Another possible cause is the growth of fast food chains, such as Mcdonalds. Fast food chains are widely known as one of the major contributors of the growing obesity problems in western countries. Parents have encouraged their young kids to eat in places like Mcdonalds because it its affordable price. These fast food chains alsoentice children by offering them foods like spaghetti, chicken, and fries which are less healthy, oily and fatty. The effects of obesity to children when they grow up into adults are very harmful and damaging to their health. One of the common effects of being overweight is to have heart complications which can result to heart attack, or worse, sudden death. Cardiac Arrest or Heart Attack is known as one of the major causes of death to majority of the people as a result of eating fatty and oily foods. In addition, being overweight can cause mental and emotional stress among children. The society has certain expectation of when it comes to our physical appearance. If the child is overweight, he or she is prone to bullying from other children, and this can lead to anxiety and depression. Because of these causes and effects mentioned, it is important for parents to monitor their children to have a balanced and healthy lifestyle. if parents teach their children the importance of eatin a proper diet, they are not only helping their kids to be physicall strong, but also to be mentally healthy.
Obesity among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in western society is
continuously
increasing by 20% in the last ten years. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
possible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
attributing to this disturbing trend,
as well
as harmful effects in the future of these young children.

Firstly
, one possible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
is due to lack of exercise among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Nowadays, younger generations are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
addicted to high tech gadgets such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ipad
and smartphones.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of these,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
opted to stay at home
rather
than go out and be more
physically
active. Another possible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
is the growth of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
chains, such as
Did you mean the fast food chain "McDonald's" (always spelled with a possessive apostrophe)?
Mcdonalds
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
chains are
widely
known as one of the major contributors of the growing obesity problems in western countries. Parents have encouraged their young kids to eat in places like
Did you mean the fast food chain "McDonald's" (always spelled with a possessive apostrophe)?
Mcdonalds
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it its affordable price. These
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
chains
Possible spelling mistake found.
alsoentice
 children by offering them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
like spaghetti, chicken, and fries which are less healthy, oily and fatty.

The effects of obesity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
when they grow up into adults are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
harmful and damaging to their health. One of the common effects of being overweight is to have heart complications which can result to heart attack, or worse, sudden death. Cardiac Arrest or Heart Attack
is known
as one of the major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
of death to
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
as a result
of eating fatty and oily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
.
In addition
, being overweight can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
mental and emotional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. The society has certain expectation of when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to our physical appearance. If the child is overweight, he or she is prone to bullying from other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, and this can lead to anxiety and depression.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
and effects mentioned, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for parents to monitor their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to have a balanced and healthy lifestyle.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
if
parents teach their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
the importance of
Possible spelling mistake found.
eatin
a proper diet, they are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
helping their kids to be
Possible spelling mistake found.
physicall
strong,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to be mentally healthy.
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IELTS essay The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
327 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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