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A lot of places in the world rely on tourism as a main source of income. Unfortunately, tourism can also be a source of problems if it is not managed correctly. Describe the advantages and disadvantages of tourism in the modern world. Do you think that benefits of tourism outweigh its drawbacks?

A lot of places in the world rely on tourism as a main source of income. Unfortunately, tourism can also be a source of problems if it is not managed correctly. Describe the advantages and disadvantages of tourism in the modern world. Do you think that benefits of tourism outweigh its drawbacks? KJrR
In the recent years, the tourism among the individuals has been significantly increased around the globe. Many people travel to different destinations and enjoy their tour with their families and relatives. In this essay, I will discuss about some of its merits and demerits of Tourism industry and will recommend how benefits outweigh its detriment. To commence with, there is no denying fact that tourism has a lots of positive impact. One of the best things about this industry is that it contributes to the nation development. To cite an example, in the current world, the country UAE makes 90% percent of his nation income from tourist. Additionally, another advantage is it makes individuals outcome from high stress work. By this I mean to say is, visiting to abroad country for tour purpose helps every human being to make they comfortable and relaxed from stress work. One the other side, apart from its positive results, there are many negative impact of the tourism. Firstly, there is no secrecy maintained. People will get to know about the abroad countries cultural and traditional they follow and because of this, there is no privacy reserved. Secondly, in this cruel world, due to the increased popularity, the tourism sector has now become very expensive. For e. g. my cousins and me made a plan to visit Dubai last month but the price of the packages provided by agents were out of budget and we cancelled the plan. To conclude, tourism has a many good outcome than negative impact and it is highly recommended that the advantages such as countries development, stress free life can easily outweigh its drawbacks, for instances high cost, no isolation and other factors.
In the recent years, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
among the individuals has been
significantly
increased around the globe.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
travel to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
destinations and enjoy their tour with their families and relatives. In this essay, I will discuss about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of its merits and demerits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Tourism
industry and will recommend how benefits outweigh its detriment.

To commence with, there is no denying fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
has
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a lot" or simply "lots"?
a lots
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact. One of the best things about this industry is that it contributes to the nation development. To cite an example, in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
world, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
UAE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
90% percent of his nation income from tourist.
Additionally
, another advantage is it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
individuals outcome from high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
work. By this I mean to say is, visiting to abroad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
for tour purpose
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
every human being to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
they comfortable and relaxed from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
work.

One the other side, apart from its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
results, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
.
Firstly
, there is no secrecy maintained.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know about the abroad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
cultural and traditional they follow and
because of this
, there is no privacy reserved.
Secondly
, in this cruel world, due to the increased popularity, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
sector has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
expensive. For
There should be no space here: "e.g.".
e. g.
my cousins and me made a plan to visit Dubai last month
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the price of the packages provided by agents were out of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
budget and
we cancelled the plan.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
outcome than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact and it is
highly
recommended that the advantages such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
development,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
free life can
easily
outweigh its drawbacks, for instances high cost, no isolation and other factors.
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IELTS essay A lot of places in the world rely on tourism as a main source of income. Unfortunately, tourism can also be a source of problems if it is not managed correctly. Describe the advantages and disadvantages of tourism in the modern world. Do you think that benefits of tourism outweigh its drawbacks?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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