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Young people spend too much money on expensive fashion brands and gadgets these days,many of which they do not need.To what extent do you agree?

Young people spend too much money on expensive fashion brands and gadgets these days, many of which they do not need. 1ewL
Nowadays, young generation opt to waste the great amount of money on useless and unnecessary items so as to follow fashion trends. From my perspective, these days adolescents tend to do that due to they want to show off and look better than their friends or obtain happiness through the cutting edge gadgets. One of the most obvious reason of such buying habits is that some children desire to show off the latest model of items so as to look better than their peers. That is to say, there are a widespread misconception among the majority of adolescents that the symbol status is defined by the newest gadgets and the fanciest clothes. The wish to purchase very expensive goods is usually born when young people go to school and notice that their peers who possess up to date goods are superior to the others. In addition, the advertisements with celebrities in which they promote the fashion trends strengthen the belief that some items might make someone more popular, better and happier. After constant external influence, some youngsters endeavor to follow fashion trends by spending their whole pocket money and insisting parents on giving them their salaries in order to buy the cutting edge things. In the world where the materialistic values outweigh the spiritual ones such tendencies enroot in adolescents' character and they get used to wasting too much money on useless and unnecessary things. Thus, surrounding and background of young children form not only the personality, but they also contribute to establishment of their buying habits, so these days the materialistic world reinforces the concept that your possession embodies you. On the other hand, some young people claim that the newest version of gadgets is considerably better than the previous one due to updated model has many modifications that are supposed to make the item more convenient. It is true that some gadgets have new functions and changes in design. However, in the most cases the latest model has not many distinctions in functionality with the previous one and it does not differentiate a lot from the others so the working model of items is not necessary to replace. Therefore, it is evident that the majority of cases youngsters usually purchase the newest items only because of changes in design or fashion trends and sometimes because of modifications. All in all, an excessive expenditure of young generation on fashionable item has become a common thing in recent years due to establishment of materialistic world. It would be good if children was educated to use their possessions as long as possible and appreciate them for not their design but for their longevity and productivity.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation opt to waste the great amount of money on useless and unnecessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
follow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trends
. From my perspective, these days adolescents tend to do that due to they want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
off and look
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
than their friends or obtain happiness through the cutting edge gadgets.

One of the most obvious reason of such buying habits is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
children desire to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
off the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
model
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
look
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
than their peers.
That is
to say, there are a widespread misconception among the majority of adolescents that the symbol status
is defined
by the newest gadgets and the fanciest clothes. The wish to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
expensive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
is
usually
born when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
go to school and notice that their peers who possess up to date
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
are superior to the others.
In addition
, the advertisements with celebrities in which they promote the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trends
strengthen the belief that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
someone more popular,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
and happier. After constant external influence,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
youngsters endeavor to follow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trends
by spending their whole pocket money and insisting parents on giving them their salaries in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the cutting edge things. In the world where the materialistic values outweigh the spiritual ones such tendencies
Possible spelling mistake found.
enroot
in adolescents'
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
character and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to wasting too much money on useless and unnecessary things.
Thus
, surrounding and background of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
children form not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the personality,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
also
contribute to establishment of their buying habits,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
these days the materialistic world reinforces the concept that your possession embodies you.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claim that the newest version of gadgets is
considerably
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
than the previous one due to updated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
model
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
modifications that
are supposed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
item
more convenient. It is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
gadgets have new functions and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in design.
However
, in the most cases the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
model
has not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
distinctions in functionality with the previous one and it does not differentiate a lot from the others
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
model
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
is not necessary to replace.
Therefore
, it is evident that the majority of cases youngsters
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
the newest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in design or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trends
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of modifications.

All in all, an excessive expenditure of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation on fashionable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
item
has become a common thing in recent years due to establishment of materialistic world. It would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
if children
was educated
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their possessions as long as possible and appreciate them for not their design
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
for their longevity and productivity.
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IELTS essay Young people spend too much money on expensive fashion brands and gadgets these days, many of which they do not need.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
444 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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