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2228 truth the important historic placewhat is the placewhere is it locatedwhy do you think it is important v.1

2228 truth the important historic placewhat is the placewhere is it locatedwhy do you think it is important v. 1
Out of the multiple factors by which tourism has shaped the new world, giving English language the grade of an international language, is the most noticeable one. Some people believe that, thus would leave English as the sole language to be spoken worldwide. In this essay, I would address some of the benefits and drawbacks of this change. On one hand, it is the presence of only one language globally, which brings the advantage of uniformity. This means that, this world could get rid of the concept of one language being superior to the other. Thus, people would be able to live in peace without the need to fight for their own language. For example, when people from countries other than Britain and U. S. A, where English is the native language, come in contact with the people of other languages, creates the feeling of insecurity among them. This leads to increasing international tension. Moreover, this idea of promoting the same language around the world, would also help people with easy communication and understanding one another. On the other hand, if the world is made to deprive of different languages, this would have the drawback of ending the cultural variety. Because, language is not only the representation of the beautiful cultures from across the globe, but it is also the identification of an individual person. For instance, Sanskrit and Persian are two of the oldest languages which represent major civilizations. However, by promoting just one language, this rich source of heritage is killed and buried leaving a monotonous world behind. To conclude, although solely speaking one language like English does provide the promising opportunity to make this world a peaceful place by avoiding conflicts. On the other side, this has the negative impact of losing the versatility of traditions of the world.
Out of the multiple factors by which tourism has shaped the new
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world
, giving English
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
the grade of an international
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language
, is the most noticeable one.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
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people
believe that,
thus
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
English as the sole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
to
be spoken
worldwide. In this essay, I would address
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
benefits and drawbacks of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.

On one hand, it is the presence of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one
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language
globally, which brings the advantage of uniformity. This means that, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of the concept of one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
being superior to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
.
Thus
,
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people
would be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in peace without the need to fight for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
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language
.
For example
, when
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people
from countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
than Britain and U. S. A, where English is the native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
in contact with the
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people
of
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other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
, creates the feeling of insecurity among them. This leads to increasing international tension.
Moreover
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of promoting the same
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language
around the
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world
, would
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
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people
with easy communication and understanding one another.

On the
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other
hand, if the
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world
is made
to deprive of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
, this would have the drawback of ending the cultural variety.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
,
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language
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the representation of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
cultures from across the globe,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is
also
the identification of an individual person.
For instance
, Sanskrit and Persian are two of the oldest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
which represent major civilizations.
However
, by promoting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
, this rich source of heritage
is killed
and buried leaving a monotonous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
behind.

To conclude
, although
solely
speaking one
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language
like English does provide the promising opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
a peaceful place by avoiding conflicts. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
side, this has the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact of losing the versatility of traditions of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay 2228 truth the important historic placewhat is the placewhere is it locatedwhy do you think it is important v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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