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1. Some people feel that high school students benefit from participating in organized sports, while others feel that sports are waste of time. Instead, student should focus on studying. Which point of view do you agree with and explain why.

1. Some people feel that high school students benefit from participating in organized sports, while others feel that sports are waste of time. Instead, student should focus on studying. Which point of view do you agree with and explain why. Ydg6B
There is no consensus on whether students should pay more attention to academic activities than physical ones. In my opinion, I find myself strongly inclined to think that take part in some sports events can provide a great number of advantages for young people. This observation is supported by several reasons which I will discuss in the following essay. In the first place, I reckon that not all students have a strength pertained to areas of study. To reinforce this idea, my younger brother used to be estimated as the worst student in his class because of his slowness in soak up everything teachers say. This attitude toward him just has stopped until the broadcast picturesquely showed his first place in National Junior Swimming Prize. Moreover, he also donated all his prize money to construct the first pool in his district area and train children to swim for free. Thanks to that event, he from the being contemptuous student becomes the most motivated paradigm for not only classmates but also teachers in this school. Therefore, it is ridiculous to make a compulsory for students to pay more attention to academic activities even though they are not interested in them. Instead, students should be allowed to their fancy aspects, and school should create as many positive opportunities as possible to develop their children’s ability. In the second place, I assert that focusing on sports can provide a nurturing environment for student’s physical and mental training. As proof, there are also numerous activities which can support children to train and increase their subtle minds such as chess, ingenious skills such as football and perseverance attitude such as the marathon. In addition, working out always is the most effective way to relieve stress, especially after a rigorous day of study at school. In other words, pupils can potentially expand their learning powers as well as refresh their soul while joining competitions. As a result, it seems to warrant that there are no contradictions between academic activities and sport ones; however, these things coalesce together with the aim for students’ comprehensive development. In conclusion, while people tend to hold different views of some sport activity’s benefits, I unquestionably claim that the sport is having an advantageously profound impact on student’s development. There still has no specific basis to justify that playing sports is a time-consuming activity.
There is no consensus on whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should pay more attention to academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
than physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
. In my opinion, I find myself
strongly
inclined to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
can provide a great number of advantages for young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. This observation
is supported
by several reasons which I will discuss in the following essay.

In the
first
place, I reckon that not all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have a strength pertained to areas of study. To reinforce this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, my younger brother
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
be estimated
as the worst
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
in his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of his slowness in soak up everything teachers say. This attitude toward him
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
until the broadcast
picturesquely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
his
first
place in National Junior Swimming Prize.
Moreover
, he
also
donated all his prize money to construct the
first
pool in his district area and train children to swim for free. Thanks to that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
, he from the being contemptuous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
becomes the most motivated paradigm for not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
classmates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
teachers in this school.
Therefore
, it is ridiculous to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a compulsory for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to pay more attention to academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
even though
they are not interested in them.
Instead
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to their fancy aspects, and school should create as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
opportunities as possible to develop their children’s ability.

In the second place, I assert that focusing on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
can provide a nurturing environment for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student’s
physical and mental training. As proof, there are
also
numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
which can support children to train and increase their subtle minds such as chess, ingenious
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as football and perseverance attitude such as the marathon.
In addition
, working out always is the most effective way to relieve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
,
especially
after a rigorous day of study at school.
In other words
, pupils can
potentially
expand their learning powers
as well
as refresh their soul while joining competitions.
As a result
, it seems to warrant that there are no contradictions between academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
;
however
, these things coalesce together with the aim for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
comprehensive development.

In conclusion
, while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to hold
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity’s
benefits, I
unquestionably
claim that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is having an
advantageously
profound impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student’s
development. There
still
has no specific basis to justify that playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is a time-consuming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
.
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IELTS essay 1. Some people feel that high school students benefit from participating in organized sports, while others feel that sports are waste of time. Instead, student should focus on studying. Which point of view do you agree with and explain why.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
392 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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