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1) In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decided to do this.

Over the last few decades there have been a significant change in the field of education. It is observed that, in some nations students get promoted to do work or explore for a year between completing the high school and beginning of their university education. Those who decided to do this can have some particular benefits, but there are chances for problems for some cases. First of all, those students who want to work before their further studies they would get an experience than others. Maybe the jobs which they get are related to their basic qualification so they can apply their skills on work that they get from their last classes. It could help them to understand what they studied in practical way also they get an extra experience than others who are not willing to work between the studies. Moreover, they can become successful in their professional life. Because they would know the key things like money and time management, punctuality, responsibility and so on. If they know such things it would help them to acquire a good position in both professional and personal life in future. Although, there are benefits, there can be problems decide to do this. Firstly, because of a year gap there is a chance for less opportunities in job. Because those pupil might to do work in between their high school and university studies. So the number of students who passing out might be higher than usual just because of the students who maybe in same age or younger than them. It would make a tight competition to attain a good job thereby the opportunities maybe decline. secondly, there would a chance for losing the physical and mental health. At this age maybe they would have no idea about how to manage money in good manner. Due this there maybe a chance for spending the amount to buy things like alcohol, drugs, cigarettes and so on. If it would continue, it badly effect the health and at last it would lead to depression. In conclusion, the number of students taking a year gap for work or travel has increased compared to the past. If children do this it can be beneficial to them in some ways, but there can be problems in the absence of proper supervision.
Over the last few decades there have been a significant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the field of education. It
is observed
that, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nations
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
promoted to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
or explore for a year between completing the high school and beginning of their university education. Those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
decided to do this can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
particular benefits,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chances
for problems for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases.

Often, this adverbial phrase is redundant. Consider using “first”.
First of all
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
their
further
studies they would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an experience than others. Maybe the jobs which they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
are related
to their basic qualification
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can apply their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
from their last classes. It could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to understand what they studied in practical way
also
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an extra experience than others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are not willing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
between the studies.
Moreover
, they can become successful in their professional life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
they would know the key things like money and time management, punctuality, responsibility and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. If they know such things it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to acquire a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
position in both professional and personal life
The phrase ‘in future’ is British English. Did you mean: “in the future”?
in future
.

Although, there are benefits, there can be problems decide to do this.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of a year gap there is a chance for
Did you mean “fewer”? The noun opportunities is countable.
less
opportunities in job.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
‘Those’ does not seem to match the singular noun ‘pupil’. Did you mean “this pupil” or “those pupils”?
those pupil
might to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in between their high school and university studies.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
passing out might be higher than usual
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
maybe in same age or younger than them. It would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a tight competition to attain a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job thereby the opportunities maybe decline.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
secondly
, there would a chance for losing the physical and mental health. At this age maybe they would have no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
about how to manage money in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
manner.
Did you mean to use the verb “do”?
Due
this there maybe a chance for spending the amount to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
things like alcohol, drugs, cigarettes and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. If it
Consider removing ‘would’. (Usually, ‘would’ does not occur in a conditional clause, unless to make a request or give a polite order.)
would continue
, it
badly
After ‘it’, use the third-person verb form “effects”.
effect
the health and at last it would lead to depression.

In conclusion
, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
taking a year gap for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
or travel has increased compared to the past. If children do this it can be beneficial to them in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there can be problems in the absence of proper supervision.
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IELTS essay 1) In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decided to do this.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
384 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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