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Writing task 1, The chart and graph description

Writing task 1, The chart and graph description rb8JJ
The bar chart illustrates the percentage of workers from two departments who trained for between five and fifteen hours a week in 2012, while the table depicts the impact of exercising on presence at work in the same year. As can be seen from the chart, the percentage of employees who exercised from 5 to 10 hours was approximately the same in both departments and totaled 50 and 47 percent in the Birmingham and London offices respectively. Another similar feature, which can be seen from the table, is that the numbers of workers who skipped more than 5 days a year are equal in both departments. As for the differences, the percentage of employees who exercised less that 5 hours is higher in London than in Birmingham. Furthermore, the Birmingham workers trained from 10 to 15 hours a week more than people from the London office. Moreover, the number of Birmingham employees who did not skip any working days due to illness was 380, while only 158 workers from London were not absent during the year. Moreover, 594 London employees missed from 1 to 5 days, but in Birmingham the number of absentees was less, namely, 378. Overall, the chart and table show the dependence of missing working days due to illness on the weekly number of exercising hours.
The bar chart illustrates the percentage of
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workers
from two departments
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
trained for between five and fifteen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
a week in 2012, while the table depicts the impact of exercising on presence at work in the same year.

As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the chart, the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
exercised from 5 to 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
was approximately the same in both departments and totaled 50 and 47 percent in the Birmingham and London offices
respectively
. Another similar feature, which can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the table, is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
numbers
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
skipped more than 5 days a year are equal in both departments.

As for the differences, the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
exercised less that 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
is higher in London than in Birmingham.
Furthermore
, the Birmingham
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
trained from 10 to 15
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
a week more than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from the London office.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of Birmingham
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
did not skip any working days due to illness was 380, while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
158
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
from London were not absent during the year.
Two successive sentences begin with the same adverb. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
Moreover
, 594 London
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
missed from 1 to 5 days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in Birmingham the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of absentees was less,
namely
, 378.

Overall
, the chart and table
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the dependence of missing working days due to illness on the weekly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of exercising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
.
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IELTS academic Writing task 1, The chart and graph description

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
219 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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