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IATA’S statistics of aviation accidents and fatalities in the world

IATA’S statistics of aviation accidents and fatalities in the world peRr2
The given table below illustrates how many aviation accidents and fatalities happened in the world from 2009 to 2014. Overall, what stands out from the table is that the number of people who died saw a significant upward trend with some fluctuations over the period; whereas, there was a leveling off in air crashes Looking at the details, in terms of mortality rate, after it started at 685 people, plunging by just over 500 people from 786 people in 2010 to 210 people in 2013, followed by a remarkable climb up to 735 people at the end of the period. Subsequently, the number of air crashes, on the other hand, witnessed slight stability, standing at around one hundred people (90) with some fluctuations in the next two years, reaching a trough of 75 and ending at 86 in the final year of this period The most striking feature of the table is that the number of who people died made up higher than that of air crashes over the period
The
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given
table below illustrates how
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many
aviation accidents and fatalities happened in the world from 2009 to 2014.

Overall
, what stands out from the table is that the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a significant upward trend with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fluctuations over the period; whereas, there was a leveling off in air crashes

Looking at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, in terms of mortality rate, after it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
at 685
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people
, plunging by
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just
over 500
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people
from 786
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people
in 2010 to 210
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people
in 2013, followed by a remarkable climb up to 735
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people
at the
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end
of the period.

Subsequently
, the number of air crashes,
on the other hand
, witnessed slight stability, standing at around one hundred
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people
(90) with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fluctuations in the
next
two years, reaching a trough of 75 and ending at 86 in the final year of this period

The most striking feature of the table is that the number of who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
made up higher than that of air crashes over the period
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IELTS academic IATA’S statistics of aviation accidents and fatalities in the world

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
169 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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