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write a Report for university lecturer by the given information

write a Report for university lecturer by the given information VrWe6
The line graph illustrates the information of people visit to two new music sites on the web from the past 15 days. According to the data the music sites are music choice and pop parade. These two sites showed a vicissitudes trend from day one to day fifteen. So, on the first day pop parade started with a good number that is 120 but when it comes to music choice it was only 40. However, for both wed sites dwindle was observed. Moreover on fourth day music choice was escalated up to 60. Perhaps, pop parade depicted a rapid decline thereafter a fluctuating trend was showed up for music choice form day 4 to day 11 in addition to that pop parade plunge was reported. So, on day nine pop parade spiked from 40 to 150 which was unexpected. Comparatively, music choice hiked slowly from day 11 and a surge was noted on 12 but in case of pop parade a drop was persuaded on day 12. furthermore, it was stabilized for 2 days and a complete leap was identified on day 14. After that, music choice showed up an erratic trend when it comes to end of the day pop parade go-upward but the music choice slumped. I conclude that both music choice and pop parade showed up a zigzag trend but finally pop parade was the website visited by most of the people. Leaving statistics a part the music web sites had received an anonymous love from the music lovers.
The line graph illustrates the information of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
visit to two new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
on the web from the past 15 days. According to the data the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choice
and pop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parade
. These two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
showed
a vicissitudes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
from day one to day fifteen.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, on the
first
day pop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parade
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
with a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
number
that is
120
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choice
it was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
40.
However
, for both wed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
dwindle
was observed
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
on fourth day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choice
was escalated
up to 60. Perhaps, pop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parade
depicted a rapid decline thereafter a fluctuating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
showed
up for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choice
form day 4 to day 11
in addition
to that pop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parade
plunge
was reported
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, on day nine pop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parade
spiked from 40 to 150 which
was unexpected
.
Comparatively
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choice
hiked
slowly
from day 11 and a surge
was noted
on 12
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in case of pop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parade
a drop
was persuaded
on day 12.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
furthermore
, it
was stabilized
for 2 days and a complete leap
was identified
on day 14. After that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
showed
up an erratic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the day pop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parade
go-upward
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choice
slumped. I conclude that both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choice
and pop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
showed
up a zigzag
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
finally
pop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parade
was the website visited by most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Leaving statistics a part the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
web
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
had received an anonymous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
lovers.

IELTS academic write a Report for university lecturer by the given information

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
252 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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