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Unemployment rate for adults

Unemployment rate for adults BLRrm
The diagram illustrate rate for adults of unemployed between collage gradates and high-school leavers in the years of 2000-2010 ​Overall, the diagram compare 2 types of unemployed adults (collage gradates and high-school) between 2000 to 2010, the line fluctuate widely before returning from three to ten percentages. High-school leavers peck at ten percentages of unemployed in 2010 and lowest in 2000 approximately three percentages, while collage gradates there highest in 2009 around five percentages and lowest at around 1 percent in 2000 ​The first graph of collage gradates in 2000 rate for unemployed approximately 1 percent from 2000 to 2002 the graph was slightly to reach about 3 percent then in 2002 to 2003 percent of unemployed increase narrow margin (3. 1 percent), next 4 years the graph was decreased to reach two percentages. From 2007 to 2008 percent unemployed rose slightly about 2. 2 percent, while in 2008 to 2009 the graph jumps up to 4. 4 percent. But it dropped again in 2010 ​The graph of high-school leavers so different percent of unemployed. From 2010 to 2003 the graph rose minimal around 5. 7 percent, percentages in 2003 to 2006 decrease slightly to 4 percent, while in 2007 to 2008 the graph grew slightly about 3 percent and percentages from 2008 to 2009 was rose dramatic up to 10 percent it peck percentage of high-school leavers.
The diagram illustrate rate for adults of
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unemployed
between collage
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gradates
and
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high-school
leavers in the years of 2000-2010

​
Overall
, the diagram compare 2 types of
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unemployed
adults (collage
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gradates
and
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high-school)
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 2000 and 2010".
between 2000 to 2010
, the line fluctuate
widely
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before
returning from three to ten
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percentages
.
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High-school
leavers peck at ten
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percentages
of
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unemployed
in 2010 and lowest in 2000 approximately three
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percentages
, while collage
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gradates
there highest in 2009 around five
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percentages
and lowest at around 1
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percent
in 2000

​The
first
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graph
of collage
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gradates
in 2000 rate for
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unemployed
approximately 1
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percent
from 2000 to 2002 the
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graph
was
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slightly
to reach about 3
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percent
then in 2002 to 2003
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percent
of
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unemployed
increase narrow margin (3. 1
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percent)
,
next
4 years the
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graph
was decreased
to reach two
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percentages
. From 2007 to 2008
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percent
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unemployed
rose
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slightly
about 2. 2
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percent
, while in 2008 to 2009 the
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graph
jumps up to 4. 4
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percent
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it dropped again in 2010

​The
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graph
of
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high-school
leavers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
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different
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percent
of
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unemployed
. From 2010 to 2003 the
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graph
rose minimal around 5. 7
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percent
,
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percentages
in 2003 to 2006 decrease
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slightly
to 4
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percent
, while in 2007 to 2008 the
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graph
grew
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slightly
about 3
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percent
and
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percentages
from 2008 to 2009 was rose dramatic up to 10
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percent
it
Did you mean "pecks"?
peck
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percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high-school
leavers.
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IELTS academic Unemployment rate for adults

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
228 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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