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Two pie charts are being given. One gives information about the amount of energy used by average Australian house hold. Other shows amount of greenhouse gases emitted

Two pie charts are being given. One gives information about the amount of energy used by average Australian house hold. Other shows amount of greenhouse gases emitted leRYb
We have two pie charts given. The initial one gives us data about the energy used in the household while the latter tells information about its result that is greenhouse gas emissions. Overall, in energy consumption, heating took first place. But, water heating emitted more greenhouse gas than any other. Cooling holds at least in both of them. Looking into the first graph, heating consumed 42% of household energy, conversely, cooling just 2%. They took first and last positions. Water heating needed 30% while, lighting took 4% of the total. Refrigeration absorbed 7% of the whole energy. On the other hand, other applianced needed 15% of the household energy. The other chart demonstrates that water heating emitted 32% of greenhouse gases. Whereas, cooling has 3% of emissions. Lighting emits 8% of the gases. Furthermore, heating has 15% of emissions. Refrigeration emitted 14% and other appliances have 28% of greenhouse gas emissions.
We have two pie charts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
. The initial one gives us data about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in the household while the latter
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tells
information about its result
that is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
greenhouse
gas emissions.

Overall
, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
consumption,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heating
took
first
place.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, water
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heating
emitted more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
greenhouse
gas than any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. Cooling holds at least in both of them.

Looking into the
first
graph,
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heating
consumed 42% of household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
,
conversely
, cooling
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
2%. They took
first
and last positions. Water
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heating
needed 30% while, lighting took 4% of the total. Refrigeration absorbed 7% of the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
Possible spelling mistake found.
applianced
needed 15% of the household energy.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
chart demonstrates that water
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heating
emitted 32% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
greenhouse
gases.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, cooling has 3% of emissions. Lighting emits 8% of the gases.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heating
has 15% of emissions. Refrigeration emitted 14% and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
appliances have 28% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
greenhouse
gas emissions.
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IELTS academic Two pie charts are being given. One gives information about the amount of energy used by average Australian house hold. Other shows amount of greenhouse gases emitted

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
151 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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