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Two chars shows the percentage of qualified graduates in a perticular country. Summerise the information by selecting and reporting the information

The pie chart shows the comparison of graduate students acquiring in various field in specific country in 1980 and 2008. Overall, it can be clearly seen that the masters and phd holder in both subjects grow up in next year except the first degree graduates. Initially, in 1980 there was a 25% of students who qualified as a first degree in arts which was decreased by 14% in 2008. Simultaneously, there was merely one percent rise was seen in holder of masters degree in the same field whereas, phd in arts completed by 2% of students in 2008. However, in the field of science no change were seen in masters qualification holder but rapid rise was observed in phd degree graduates that was initially 13% and 30 % was noted in 2008. Beside this, 19% of the students were successful to achieve their first degree as a science, which was decrease by 9 percent in 2008.
The pie chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the comparison of graduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
acquiring in various field in specific country in 1980 and 2008.

Overall
, it can be
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the masters and
The more common abbreviation of the term 'philosophiae doctor' is "PhD".
phd
holder in both subjects grow up in
next
year except the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
graduates.

Initially
, in 1980 there was a 25% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who qualified as a
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
in arts which
was decreased
by 14% in 2008.
Simultaneously
, there was
merely
one percent rise was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in holder of
For an academic degree, use "master’s".
masters
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
in the same field whereas,
The more common abbreviation of the term 'philosophiae doctor' is "PhD".
phd
in arts completed by 2% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in 2008.

However
, in the field of science no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in masters qualification holder
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
rapid rise
was observed
in
The more common abbreviation of the term 'philosophiae doctor' is "PhD".
phd
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
graduates that was
initially
13% and 30 %
was noted
in 2008. Beside this, 19% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
were successful to achieve their
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
as a science, which was decrease by 9 percent in 2008.
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IELTS academic Two chars shows the percentage of qualified graduates in a perticular country.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
156 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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