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This line graph shows the percentage of women who were employed in four countries from 1985 to 2005

This line graph shows the percentage of women who were employed in four countries from 1985 to 2005 mbxoN
The graph illustrates the percentage of women employed in four countries - USA, Afghanistan, Korea and France over an interval of 20 years. According to the line graph, the percent of women who were employed in USA increased steadily from 1985 to 2000 and then there was a slight fall after from 64 percent to 60 percent. In the same time, Korea seemed to have a gradual increase for 20 years straight without any fall. Moreover, the figure for women employed in Afghanistan rose slowly between 32 percent and 40 percent in 10 years and suddenly declined significantly after 1995. In the other hand, France's percentage seemed to fall slightly in the first 5 years but then having a steep increase until 2005. So, we can see from the graph that except for Afghanistan, three other countries' percentage of women employed in 1985 are bigger than in 2005.
The graph illustrates the percentage of
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women
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employed
in four countries
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-
USA, Afghanistan, Korea and France over an interval of 20 years. According to the line graph, the
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percent
of
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women
who were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employed
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the USA".
in USA
increased
steadily
from 1985 to 2000 and then there was a slight fall after from 64
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percent
to 60
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percent
. In the same time, Korea seemed to have a gradual increase for 20 years straight without any fall.
Moreover
, the figure for
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women
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employed
in Afghanistan rose
slowly
between 32
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percent
and 40
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percent
in 10 years and
suddenly
declined
significantly
after 1995. In the other hand, France's percentage seemed to fall
slightly
in the
first
5 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
then having a steep increase until 2005.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
from the graph that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
except for
Afghanistan, three other countries' percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employed
in 1985 are bigger than in 2005.

IELTS academic This line graph shows the percentage of women who were employed in four countries from 1985 to 2005

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
148 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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