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This bar chart represents the number of annual visitors on three different museums named National Gallery, Victoria and Albert museum and British Museum between 2007 and 2012.

This bar chart represents the number of annual visitors on three different museums named National Gallery, Victoria and Albert museum and British Museum between 2007 and 2012. 1rVn
This bar chart represents the number of annual visitors on three different museums named National Gallery, Victoria and Albert museum and British Museum between 2007 and 2012. Overall, in 2012, significantly greatest number of people visited to National Gallery. Also least number of visitors was to British museum in 2009. In early years 2007 and 2008, Most people visited to Victoria and Albert Museum with the same number in quantity over 13 million. Then this amount suddenly reduced to about half numbers of visitors in 2010. However, visitors to victoria and Albert museum gradually rose from 2010 to 2012. Although the visitors to the National Gallery were very low numbers in 2007, It Progressively increased between 2007 and 2012. But, this quantity was equal in 2011 and 2010. Moreover, in 2007 people visiting to British Museum was nearly high number with about 12 million. However, this quantity rapidly dropped to half in 2008 with 6 million. Then, number of annual visitors considerably went up between 2008 and 2012.
This bar chart represents the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of annual
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visitors
on three
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
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museums
named National Gallery, Victoria and Albert
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museum
and British
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Museum
between 2007 and 2012.
Overall
, in 2012,
significantly
A determiner is probably missing here: "the greatest".
greatest
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number
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
visited to National Gallery.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
least
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number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
was to British
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
in 2009.

In early years 2007 and 2008, Most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
visited to Victoria and Albert
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
with the same
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number
in quantity over 13 million. Then this amount
suddenly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
to about half
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numbers
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
in 2010.
However
,
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visitors
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
victoria
and Albert
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museum
gradually
rose from 2010 to 2012.

Although the
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visitors
to the National Gallery were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
low
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numbers
in 2007, It
Progressively
increased between 2007 and 2012.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, this quantity was equal in 2011 and 2010.

Moreover
, in 2007
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
visiting to British
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Museum
was
nearly
high
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number
with about 12 million.
However
, this quantity
rapidly
dropped to half in 2008 with 6 million. Then,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of annual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
considerably
went up between 2008 and 2012.
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IELTS academic This bar chart represents the number of annual visitors on three different museums named National Gallery, Victoria and Albert museum and British Museum between 2007 and 2012.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
168 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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