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The two pie charts were given, and one of these illustrated the process of using energy in Australian household

The two pie charts were given, and one of these illustrated the process of using energy in Australian household P9P2
The two pie charts were given, and one of these illustrated the process of using energy in Australian household, and another also at the same country, but about greenhouse gas emissions. We can see, that heating of two charts are extremely different, greenhouse gas emissions are less, than energy use, where the difference from heating was 27 percent. However, water heating from 2 charts are slightly same. it consist of 30 and 32 percent. Moreover, a refrigeration of greenhouse gas emissions are twice a more, than refrigeration in energy use, where lighting items in two charts, are similar to refrigeration. Furthermore, the cooling object of two charts, are considerably similar, where the difference from one percent, and about other applicants, they are significantly different, where one of these consist of 28 percent, and other 15. To sum up of these pie charts, we saw, that we had fascinating situations, where on item was very similar, whereas was extremely different, and such items were twice a more, than second chart.
The two pie
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charts
were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
, and one of these illustrated the process of using energy in Australian household, and another
also
at the same country,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
about greenhouse gas emissions.

We can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
, that heating of two
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charts
are
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
, greenhouse gas emissions are less, than energy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
, where the difference from heating was 27
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percent
.
However
, water heating from 2
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charts
are
slightly
same.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
Did you mean "consists"?
consist
of 30 and 32
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percent
.
Moreover
, a refrigeration of greenhouse gas emissions are twice a more, than refrigeration in energy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
, where lighting items in two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charts
, are similar to refrigeration.
Furthermore
, the cooling object of two
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charts
, are
considerably
similar, where the difference from one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
, and about other applicants, they are
significantly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
, where one of these consist of 28
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
, and other 15.

To sum up of these pie
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charts
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
, that we had fascinating situations, where on item was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
similar, whereas was
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
, and such items were twice a more, than second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chart
.
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IELTS academic The two pie charts were given, and one of these illustrated the process of using energy in Australian household

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
169 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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