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the two pie charts show the number of student can speck other languages

the two pie charts show the number of student can speck other languages 0amGG
The pie charts indicate information about the capability to speak other languages of students of one university in England between 2000 and 2010. To begin with, the first chart, in 2000, the highest percentage of students as 30 (per cent) can speak Spanish only. Follow by the number of students with 20 (per cent) can speak French similar to the number of students can speak another language, and the lowest percentage of students had German only as well as cannot speak other languages as 10 (per cent) In addition, according to the second chart, in 2010, we can see the significant difference that are the percentage of students can speak Spanish only, French only and two other languages which increased, and the percentage of Spanish only still remain the biggest. While the number of students cannot speak other languages declined similar to the number of students can speak another language.
The pie charts indicate information about the capability to
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speak
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other
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languages
of
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students
of one university in England between 2000 and 2010.

To
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begin
with, the
first
chart, in 2000, the highest
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percentage
of
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students
as 30 (per cent) can
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speak
Spanish
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only
. Follow by the
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number
of
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students
with 20 (per cent) can
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speak
French similar to the
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number
of
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students
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
speak
another
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language
, and the lowest
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percentage
of
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students
had German
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only
as well
as cannot
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speak
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
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languages
as 10 (per cent)

In addition
, according to the second chart, in 2010, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the significant difference that are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
speak
Spanish
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only
, French
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only
and two
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other
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languages
which increased, and the
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percentage
of Spanish
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only
still
remain the biggest.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
the
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number
of
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students
cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
speak
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
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languages
declined similar to the
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number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
speak
another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
.
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IELTS academic the two pie charts show the number of student can speck other languages

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
150 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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