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The two pie charts illustrate the percentage of domestic energy consumption for several purposes

The two pie charts illustrate the percentage of domestic energy consumption for several purposes 8dO3k
The two pie charts illustrate the percentage of domestic energy consumption for several purposes and how much greenhouse gas is emitted in an average Australian family. According to the first chart, about 42% of energy consumed in an Australian family is used for heating, which is the highest proportion. The figure for water-heating is slightly lower, at around 30%. However, the percentage of other appliances stands at approximately 15% and the rest, including refrigeration, lighting and cooling, stay under 7%. In comparison, water-heating and other appliances are the majors of household greenhouse gas emissions, with about 32% and 28% respectively. Heating in this case releases around 15% of greenhouse gas although it is the most frequent energy consumption. Interestingly, refrigeration emits an amount of greenhouse gas at about nearly 14% which is a double in comparison with itself in household energy usage. Similarly, 3% of emissions are caused by cooling and 8% of those are produced by lighting which occupy the higher figures than they are used. In conclusion, most energy is used for heating but the most significant emissions are released by water-heating and other appliances. While cooling is not as considerable as others in both charts.
The two pie charts illustrate the percentage of domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
consumption for several purposes

and how much greenhouse gas
is emitted
in an average Australian family.

According to the
first
chart, about 42% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
consumed in an Australian family is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for

heating, which is the highest proportion. The figure for water-heating is
slightly
lower, at around

30%.
However
, the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
appliances stands at approximately 15% and the rest,

including refrigeration, lighting and cooling, stay under 7%.

In comparison
, water-heating and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
appliances are the majors of household greenhouse gas

emissions, with about 32% and 28%
respectively
. Heating
in this case
releases around 15% of

greenhouse gas although it is the most frequent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
consumption.
Interestingly
, refrigeration

emits an amount of greenhouse gas at about
nearly
14% which is a double
in comparison
with

itself in household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
usage.
Similarly
, 3% of emissions
are caused
by cooling and 8% of those

are produced
by lighting which occupy the higher figures than they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
.

In conclusion
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for heating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the most significant emissions
are released
by

water-heating and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
appliances.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
cooling is not as considerable as others in both charts.
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IELTS academic The two pie charts illustrate the percentage of domestic energy consumption for several purposes

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
198 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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