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The two graphs show the sales for Apple products in Hong Kong in 2010 and 2020.

The two graphs show the sales for Apple products in Hong Kong in 2010 and 2020. 3bkgX
The two graphs show the sales for Apple Products in Hong Kong over the years from 2010 to 2020. It is surprising to note that I phone made up the longest percentage of sales in the last decade despite a noticeable drop in its percentage. The sales of iphone, the most popular product among all Apple products accounted for almost half of them in 2010, but it dropped drastically to only 34% in 2020. The percentage of sales of ipad declined slightly from23% in 2010 to 22% in 2020. It came second in 2020 since its share increased by 5% from 20% in 2010 to 25% in 2020. The proportion of Macbook stood/stayed at 6% over the period. However, it took the least share in 2020 since the portion of Apple TV doubled from6 % in 2010 to 13% in 2020. In conclusion, iphone still constituted the largest percentage of Apple products after a decade even though there was a substantial decline in its percentage. All the evidence supports a conclusion that iPhone and Apple TV gained significant in terms of their contribution to the total sales.
The two graphs
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show
the
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sales
for
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Apple
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Products
in Hong Kong over the years from 2010 to 2020. It is surprising to note that I phone made up the longest
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percentage
of
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sales
in the last decade despite a noticeable drop in its percentage.

The
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sales
of
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iphone
, the most popular
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product
among all
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Apple
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products
accounted for almost half of them in 2010,
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but
it dropped
drastically
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
34% in 2020. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
ipad
declined
slightly
from23% in 2010 to 22% in 2020. It came second in 2020 since its share increased by 5% from 20% in 2010 to 25% in 2020. The proportion of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Macbook
stood/stayed at 6% over the period.
However
, it took the least share in 2020 since the portion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Apple
TV doubled from6 % in 2010 to 13% in 2020.

In conclusion
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
iphone
still
constituted the largest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Apple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
after a decade
even though
there was a substantial decline in its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
. All the evidence supports a conclusion that iPhone and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Apple
TV gained significant in terms of their contribution to the total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
.

IELTS academic The two graphs show the sales for Apple products in Hong Kong in 2010 and 2020.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
187 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
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Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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