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The two diagrams describe the main part of hot air balloon and includes how it works

The two diagrams describe the main part of hot air balloon and includes how it works yDjVD
The pictures describes about the process of which is done to make the hot air balloon fly in air and the process of bringing it down. Overall, it is seen that in the process the burners are the most important to lift them in air and to bring them down. To start with, the process of lifting the it starts from filling hot air in it. Moreover, there is a valve at the top of the balloon is kept closed in to lift the hot air balloon. Just under the valve there are some threads which are called as valve chord threads which are tighten. In addition to it there are valve chord which are used to control the balloon. The burners are turned on in order to convert the cold air into hot air. As the hot air is dencer the cold air it flys in the air with the basket tied to it which contains of humans and gas tank for the burners. On the other hand, to bring it down the valve at the top are opened and as a result the hot air moves out of the balloon. In the process of bringing it down the burners are turned off. The pilot brings it down by controlling the threads. On the way down the hot air balloon shrink and the passengers come down to the ground.
The pictures
You should probably use "describe".
describes
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
process
of which
is done
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the hot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
balloon
fly
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
process
of bringing it down.

Overall
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
process
the burners are the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to lift them in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
and to bring them down.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
process
of lifting
Possible typo. Did you mean "the" or "it"?
the it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
from filling hot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
in it.
Moreover
, there is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
valve
at the top of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
balloon
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
closed in to lift the hot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
balloon
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
under the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
valve
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
threads which
are called
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
valve
chord threads which are
Consider using a past participle here: "tightened".
tighten
.
In addition
to it there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
valve
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "chords"?
chord
which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to control the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
balloon
. The burners
are turned
on in order to convert the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
into hot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
. As the hot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
is
Possible spelling mistake found.
dencer
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
it
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "flies", the plural form of the noun 'fly'?
flys
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
with the basket tied to it which contains of humans and gas tank for the burners.

On the other hand
, to bring it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
down
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
valve
at the top
are opened
and
as a result
the hot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moves
out of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
balloon
. In the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
process
of bringing it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
down
the burners
are turned
off. The pilot brings it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
down
by controlling the threads. On the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
down
the hot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
balloon
shrink and the passengers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
down
to the ground.
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IELTS academic The two diagrams describe the main part of hot air balloon and includes how it works

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
230 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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