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The table summarises some data collected and by colleage bookshop for month of February 2000.

The table summarises some data collected and by colleage bookshop for month of February 2000. VYM8m
The table depicts the information about non book club members and club members intake books from college bookshop during the month February in 2000. Firstly, it is evident from table that in 2000 non book club members, college staff consumed fiction, non fiction and magazines just around 44, 29, and 332 units whereas college students used 31, 194 and 1249. moreover members of public club sold non fiction and magazines approximately 122 and 82 respectively. Furthermore, book club members were sold fiction books just near 76 units while there was sharp increased in sale of non fiction book. However, sale of magazines were 33 units in 2000. Overall, college students used different kinds of books and magazines higher as compare other members while sale of magazines were increased rather than other.
The table depicts the information about non
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book
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club
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members
and
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club
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members
intake
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books
from college bookshop during the month February in 2000.
Firstly
, it is evident from table that in 2000 non
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book
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club
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members
, college staff consumed
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fiction
, non
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fiction
and
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magazines
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
around 44, 29, and 332 units whereas college students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
31, 194 and 1249.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
moreover
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members
of public
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club
sold non
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fiction
and
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magazines
approximately 122 and 82
respectively
.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
club
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
were sold
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fiction
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
near 76 units while there was sharp increased in sale of non
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fiction
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
.
However
, sale of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
magazines
were 33 units in 2000.
Overall
, college students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
magazines
higher
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
compare other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
while sale of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
magazines
were increased
rather
than other.
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IELTS academic The table summarises some data collected and by colleage bookshop for month of February 2000.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
131 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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