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the table shows the amount of money given in aid of technology of developing countries by charities in the US,EU and other countries from 2006 to 2010

the table shows the amount of money given in aid of technology of developing countries by charities in the US, EU and other countries from 2006 to 2010 KwGAk
The table chart reveals the information about value of fund given by charities to developing countries ( the UK, EU and other countries) for the technology development. The data has been given in billions of US dollars. Overall, it is clearly seen in table chart, the funds was increasing year by year with some fluctuation over the given period shown. Firstly, looking in details, the UK received high amount of money in all given years (2006-2010). Initially, in 2006, it was 9. 7 billionof US dollars, after that is significantly increased each year and in last year (2010). It reached a peak level as compared to other countries by 22. 7. Moving forward, EV countries and other countries took almost equal money which was 4. 0 and 3. 3 respectively. Further more, in 2010, the maximum amount of money donated by other countries, which was 30 billion of US dollars for technology development, in 2008, 2009, these countries recieved 20. 4 and 24. 3 billions of US dollars, where as, in 2006 and 2007, there was negligible difference.
The table chart reveals the information about value of fund
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given
by charities to developing
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countries
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
the UK, EU and
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other
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countries)
for the technology development. The data has been
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given
in billions of US dollars.

Overall
, it is
clearly
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seen
in table chart, the funds was increasing
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year
by
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year
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fluctuation over the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
period shown.

Firstly
, looking in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, the UK received high amount of money in all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
years (2006-2010).
Initially
, in 2006, it was 9. 7
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billionof
US dollars, after
that is
significantly
increased each
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year
and in last
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year
(2010). It reached a peak level as compared to
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other
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countries
by 22. 7.

Moving forward, EV
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countries
and
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other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
took almost equal money which was 4. 0 and 3. 3
respectively
.
Further
more, in 2010, the maximum amount of money donated by
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other
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countries
, which was 30 billion of US dollars for technology development, in 2008, 2009, these
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countries
Possible spelling mistake found.
recieved
20. 4 and 24.
Use a singular form of the numeral here: "3 billion".
3 billions of
US dollars,
Did you mean "whereas"?
where as
, in 2006 and 2007, there was negligible difference.
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IELTS academic the table shows the amount of money given in aid of technology of developing countries by charities in the US, EU and other countries from 2006 to 2010

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
178 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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