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The table compares the Online and department stores

The table compares the Online and department stores 9rdKW
The table compares the online and department stores data in Australia on July 7th in terms of number of businesses, its growth in percentage, profits and Sales Revenue where profits and sales revenue are calculated in AUD. Overall, online stores are more popular than department stores but profits earned are almost same. However, online stores are growing faster than the other. There are 368 online stores which are drastically higher than 67 department stores in Australia. Surprisingly, online shops gained just around 55 AUD than the other with total profit of 807 AUD and 863 AUD respectively. However, this trend is not seen in the revenue and growth of both the types. Although sales revenue for offline market is 12, 700 AUD, it is slightly more in online stores. Online shops, however, has a revenue of 13, 400 AUD. Additionally, online business of stores is growing rapidly by 6% every year. Meanwhile, growth of offline market is recorded as 4%.
The table compares the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
and department
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stores
data in Australia on July 7th in terms of number of businesses, its growth in percentage,
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profits
and Sales
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Revenue
where
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profits
and sales
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revenue
are calculated
in AUD.

Overall
,
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online
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stores
are more popular than department
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stores
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
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profits
earned are almost same.
However
,
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online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
are growing faster than the other.

There are 368
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online
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stores
which are
drastically
higher than 67 department
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stores
in Australia.
Surprisingly
,
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online
shops gained
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just
around 55 AUD than the other with total
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profit
of 807 AUD and 863 AUD
respectively
.
However
, this trend is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
revenue
and growth of both the types.

Although sales
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revenue
for offline market is 12, 700 AUD, it is
slightly
more in
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online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
.
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Online
shops,
however
, has a
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revenue
of 13, 400 AUD.
Additionally
,
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online
business of
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stores
is growing
rapidly
by 6% every year. Meanwhile, growth of offline market
is recorded
as 4%.

IELTS academic The table compares the Online and department stores

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
160 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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