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The table below shows the sales made by a coffee shop in an office building on a typical weekdays

The table below shows the sales made by a coffee shop in an office building on a typical weekdays lAkD
A glance at the table provided reveals some data concerning the marketings that produced through the coffee store in an office construction on a particular weekdays. Overall, as can be seen from the table, the large proportion of sales belongs to coffee and pastries till the afternoon, while, the figures for tea and sandwiches were in the lowest rate after lunchtime. With regard to details, from 7: 30 to 10: 30 the employees consume 265 cups of coffee and 275 pastries, simultaneously, 110 cups of tea and only 50 sandwiches are used. Next, from 10: 30 to 2: 30, the workers drink 185 and 50 cups of coffee and tea respectively, whilst, 95 pastries and 200 sandwiches are consumed too. However, the labourers who are in an office building always drink 145 cups of coffee and 35 cups of tea in the lag from 2: 30 to 5: 30. In addition, they eat 150 pastries and 40 sandwiches in the given period. Finally, in the evenings from 5: 30 to 8: 30, the employees drink 200 cups of coffee and 75 bowls tea, meanwhile, the numbers of pastries and sandwiches are equal to 80 and 110 respectively.
A glance at the table provided reveals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
data concerning the
Possible spelling mistake found.
marketings
that produced through the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
store in an office construction on a particular
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "weekday"?
weekdays
.

Overall
, as can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the table, the large proportion of sales belongs to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pastries
till the afternoon, while, the figures for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tea
and sandwiches were in the lowest rate after lunchtime.

With regard to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, from 7: 30 to 10: 30 the employees consume 265
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cups
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
and 275
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pastries
,
simultaneously
, 110
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cups
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tea
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
50 sandwiches are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
.
Next
, from 10: 30 to 2: 30, the workers drink 185 and 50
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cups
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tea
respectively
, whilst, 95
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pastries
and 200 sandwiches
are consumed
too.

However
, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
labourers
who are in an office building always drink 145
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cups
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
and 35
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cups
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tea
in the lag from 2: 30 to 5: 30.
In addition
, they eat 150
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pastries
and 40 sandwiches in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
period.
Finally
, in the evenings from 5: 30 to 8: 30, the employees drink 200
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cups
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
and 75 bowls
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tea
, meanwhile, the numbers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pastries
and sandwiches are equal to 80 and 110
respectively
.
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IELTS academic The table below shows the sales made by a coffee shop in an office building on a typical weekdays

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
197 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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