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The table below shows the proportion of income spent on 4 common items in the UK in 1998

The table below shows the proportion of income spent on 4 common items in the UK in 1998 2B8x
As is represented by the table, the percentage expenditure in the UK in the year 1998 is on four widely used items( food, electronic equipment, music, videos) by people of different age groups. Overall, the proportion of adults, men and women have significantly declined from food to videos whereas, that of children have increased from food to videos. Firstly, the money spent on food and music by both adults and children is substantially higher than that spent on electronic equipment and videos. Next, The descending order of money spent starts from music followed by food, electronic items and finally videos. Alternatively, the money spent on food by adults is approximately three times that of boys. Specifically, the amount of money spent by women is four times that by children. Lastly, the money used on purchasing electronic devices wildly fluctuates while, for children, the expenditure is about twice that of men. Furthermore, the income utilized for music by adults remains consistent at 5% and by children at 40%. To conclude, the expenditure on video tapes has a stable decline nevertheless, that of children depicts a gradual increasing trend.
As
is represented
by the table, the percentage expenditure in the UK in the year 1998 is on four
widely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
items
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
,
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electronic
equipment,
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music
,
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videos)
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
age groups.

Overall
, the proportion of
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adults
,
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men
and women have
significantly
declined from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
to
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videos
whereas, that of
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children
have increased from
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food
to videos.

Firstly
, the
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money
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spent
on
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food
and
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music
by both
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adults
and
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children
is
substantially
higher than that
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spent
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
equipment and
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videos
.
Next
, The descending order of
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money
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spent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
from
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music
followed by
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food
,
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electronic
items and
finally
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videos
.
Alternatively
, the
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money
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spent
on
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food
by
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adults
is approximately three times that of boys.
Specifically
, the amount of
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money
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spent
by women is four times that by children.

Lastly
, the
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money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
on purchasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
devices
wildly
fluctuates while, for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, the expenditure is about twice that of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
.
Furthermore
, the income utilized for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
by
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adults
remains consistent at 5% and by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at 40%.
To conclude
, the expenditure on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
tapes has a stable decline
nevertheless
, that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
depicts a gradual increasing trend.
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IELTS academic The table below shows the proportion of income spent on 4 common items in the UK in 1998

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
187 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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