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the table below shows shares of companies advertising expenditure in different media sectors

the table below shows shares of companies advertising expenditure in different media sectors YdjmV
The given table give information about the proportion of four different types of mass media used in three nation Australia, Japan, Vietnam in 2005. Overall, in the four segments, TV is the most invested in all three countries and the Internet is the least invested. In particular, in Japan, the TV rate is the highest, but the other aspects are lower than the other two countries. In 2005, the percentage of Internet in Australia was the highest at 5%, followed by Vietnam at 4% and finally Japan with the lowest rate of 3%. In the same year, the radio activity rate of both Australia and Vietnam was 21%, followed by Japan with 14%. During the same year, The majority of newspapers in Vietnam was 29% higher than the other countries, followed by Australia 7% less and Japan 13 percent less. What is surprising here is that the percentage of TV in 2005 rose significantly, but it is important to say that Japan surpassed the other two countries as media by 61% followed by Vietnam 44% and finally Australia 31%.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
table give information about the proportion of four
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of mass media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in three nation Australia,
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Japan
, Vietnam in 2005.

Overall
, in the four segments, TV is the most invested in all three countries and the Internet is the least invested.
In particular
, in
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Japan
, the TV rate is the highest,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
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other
aspects are lower than the
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other
two countries.

In 2005, the percentage of Internet in Australia was the highest at 5%,
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followed
by Vietnam at 4% and
finally
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Japan
with the lowest rate of 3%.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
the same year, the radio activity rate of both Australia and Vietnam was 21%,
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followed
by
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Japan
with 14%.

During the same year, The majority of newspapers in Vietnam was 29% higher than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
countries,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
followed
by Australia 7% less and
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Japan
13 percent less. What is surprising here is that the percentage of TV in 2005 rose
significantly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
surpassed the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
two countries as media by 61%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
followed
by Vietnam 44% and
finally
Australia 31%.

IELTS academic the table below shows shares of companies advertising expenditure in different media sectors

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
179 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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