Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

The table below shows gives the data about the workers who employed in different industries in Australia between 1989 and 2009

The table below shows gives the data about the workers who employed in different industries in Australia between 1989 and 2009 JkOw
The table Illustrates the information regarding the number of workers who were employed in various Australian industries during the period of 1989 and 2009. In the year of 1989, it is evident from the detail that the most of the workers were hired in the manufacturing and retail sector which was 15% and 11. 8% respectively. Then, for health care they employed nearly one tenth proportion of employees out of total numbers. In case of constitution where more people did a job as compared with education, both of them accounted for 7. 6% and 6. 8%. While, a least proportion of people had hired in the tourism sector in Australia [ 5. 5%]. Over the period of a decade, it would be highlighted that, number of people who get job in retail and manufacturing was plummeted drastically, in 2009 it stood at 10% and 9. 8%. Whereas, a significant increment occurred in other categories. For Health Care number grew from 98. 6 person to 11. 3%. , in construction where percentage soared by 0. 7%, in terms of education as well as tourism proportion of employees in this to category was escalated to 7. 5% and 7. 3% overall, it can be inferred that although in earlier maximum number of workers hired in the manufacturing in the manufacturing; in later year health sector had the highest figure of employment.
The table Illustrates the information regarding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of workers who
were employed
in various Australian industries during the period of 1989 and 2009.

In the year of 1989, it is evident from the detail that the most of the workers
were hired
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manufacturing
and retail sector which was 15% and 11. 8%
respectively
. Then, for health care they employed
nearly
one tenth proportion of employees out of total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
numbers
. In case of constitution where more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
did a job as compared with education, both of them accounted for 7. 6% and 6. 8%.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
,
Use "the" with the superlative.
a
least proportion of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
had hired in the tourism sector in Australia
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
[
5. 5%].

Over the period of a decade, it would
be highlighted
that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
job in retail and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manufacturing
was plummeted
drastically
, in 2009 it stood at 10% and 9. 8%.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, a significant increment occurred in other categories. For Health Care
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
grew from 98. 6
Possible agreement error. The noun 'person' seems to be countable, so consider using: "people", "persons".
person
to 11. 3%.
Loose punctuation mark.
,
in construction where percentage soared by 0. 7%, in terms of education
as well
as tourism proportion of employees in this to category
was escalated
to 7. 5% and 7. 3%

overall
, it can
be inferred
that although in earlier maximum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of workers hired in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manufacturing
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manufacturing
; in later year health sector had the highest figure of employment.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS academic The table below shows gives the data about the workers who employed in different industries in Australia between 1989 and 2009

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
229 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts





Get more results for topic:
  • The table below shows gives the data about the workers who employed in different industries in Australia between 1989 and 2009