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the spending of 2 metropolia for different services in 2014

the spending of 2 metropolia for different services in 2014 q1Y9p
The given bar chart demonstrates the spending of 2 metropolia for different services in 2014 Overall, it is clear that the amount of money that Bangkok spent on security or development was higher than in Phnom Penh while for education and welfare, Phnom Penh takes the majority. It can also be observed that both cities spent the same amount of money for other categories. Breaking the figure down into greater detail, it can be seen that the expenditure of Bangkok on security was about 6 million dollars, and the figures for development and healthcare were lower, at roughly 5, 9 million and 4, 5 million, respectively. Meanwhile, for Phnom Penh, the money spent on healthcare was 4 million dollars which were far higher than that of security (3 million) and development ( 3 million) Turning to the remaining statistics, it is evident that Phnom Penh spent the most money on welfare service with nearly 6, 5 million dollars, while Bangkok accounted for 4 million making it the biggest difference. The figure was similar in reference to the expenditure in education where Phnom Penh spent about 3, 9 million and Bangkok spent 3, 5 million. Moreover, both 2 cities share the same amount of money spent on other services
The
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given
bar chart demonstrates the spending of 2
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metropolia
for
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different
services in 2014

Overall
, it is
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clear
that the amount of
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money
that Bangkok
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spent
on security or development was higher than in
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Phnom
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Penh
while for education and welfare,
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Phnom
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Penh
takes the majority. It can
also
be observed
that both cities
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spent
the same amount of
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money
for other categories.

Breaking the figure down into greater detail, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the expenditure of Bangkok on security was about 6
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million
dollars, and the figures for development and healthcare were lower, at roughly 5, 9
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million
and 4, 5
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million
,
respectively
. Meanwhile, for
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Phnom
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Penh
, the
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money
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spent
on healthcare was 4
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million
dollars which were far higher than that of security (3
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million)
and development
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(
3 million)

Turning to the remaining statistics, it is evident that
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Phnom
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Penh
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spent
the most
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money
on welfare service with
nearly
6, 5
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million
dollars, while Bangkok accounted for 4
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million
making it the biggest difference. The figure was similar in reference to the expenditure in education where
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Phnom
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Penh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
about 3, 9
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million
and Bangkok
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spent
3, 5
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million
.
Moreover
, both 2 cities share the same amount of
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money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
on other services
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IELTS academic the spending of 2 metropolia for different services in 2014

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
207 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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