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The pie charts illustrate in percentage how South Korean and Singaporean families spent their money in different categories in the year 2000 and 2020.

The pie charts illustrate in percentage how South Korean and Singaporean families spent their money in different categories in the year 2000 and 2020. 9BOA0
It is clarifying from pie charts South Korean families spent their money on housing about 21 % of their income after 21 years they expend 30% on that. In transport they spent 20 % of their total income in 2000 which was increase by 5 % in next 20 years. 24% of earnings was paid by them for food in 2000 which is decreased by 4 % in 2020. South Korean people just paid 6 % on health care in 2000 which was triple in 2 decade. A big drop was observed in other expenses in 2020 they spent 29% which was felt in 2020 by 22%
It is clarifying from pie charts South Korean families spent their money on housing about 21 % of their income after 21 years they expend 30% on that. In
The comma is probably missing here: "transport, they".
transport they
spent 20 % of their total income in 2000 which was increase by 5 % in
next
20 years. 24% of earnings
was paid
by them for food in 2000 which
is decreased
by 4 % in 2020. South Korean
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
paid 6 % on health care in 2000 which was triple in 2
Possible agreement error. The noun 'decade' seems to be countable, so consider using: "decades".
decade
. A
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
drop
was observed
in other expenses in 2020 they spent 29% which
was felt
in 2020 by 22%
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IELTS academic The pie charts illustrate in percentage how South Korean and Singaporean families spent their money in different categories in the year 2000 and 2020.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
106 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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