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The provided bar chart above depicts 4 leisure activities that Canadian children enjoy doing such as sports, computer games, music and shopping.

The provided bar chart above depicts 4 leisure activities that Canadian children enjoy doing such as sports, computer games, music and shopping. OyBLE
The provided bar chart above depicts 4 leisure activities that Canadian children enjoy doing such as sports, computer games, music and shopping. Overall, it is clear that boys are fond of going shopping the most while girls prefer listening to music rather than doing other activities in their free time. The percentages of boys playing sport were nearly 25%, twice as many compared to that of lad listening to music. Moreover, the rates of male children playing computer games and shopping in their spare time are roughly 17% and 34%, respectively. In the other hand, there is a marginally 2 fold difference between the percentages of ladies playing sport (10%) and that of female children going shopping (5%). What is more, the rates of Canadian girls who are fond of listening to music are more than that of lassie love playing computer games.
The provided bar chart above depicts 4 leisure activities that Canadian children enjoy doing such as sports, computer games,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and shopping.

Overall
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that boys are fond of going shopping the most while girls prefer listening to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
rather
than doing other activities in their free time.

The percentages of boys
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
sport were
nearly
25%, twice as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
compared to that of lad listening to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
Moreover
, the rates of male children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer games and shopping in their spare time are roughly 17% and 34%,
respectively
.

In the other hand, there is a
marginally
2 fold difference between the percentages of ladies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
sport (10%) and that of female children going shopping (5%).
What is more
, the rates of Canadian girls who are fond of listening to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
are more than that of lassie
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer games.
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IELTS academic The provided bar chart above depicts 4 leisure activities that Canadian children enjoy doing such as sports, computer games, music and shopping.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
143 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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