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the production and processing of milk production for commercial sale

the production and processing of milk production for commercial sale 0ndPQ

The diagram below reflects the method of producing and treating milk for commercial sale. Overall, the process consists of eight stages, beginning with cows grazing on the grass and ending up with the products reaching the stores. At first cows graze on grass in the fields before being taken to a milking machine twice a day. Following that, the milk is placed in daily refrigeration storage. After that, the milks is moved to a truck, and it is then ready to be shipped to the dairy. This procedure is repeated on a daily basis. In the last four stages, after the milk is supplied to the dairy, it is refined into cheese, cream, and butter, among other dairy products. Following this, the milk goes through a pasteurization process before being packed. Once the milk and dairy goods have been refined and packed, they are sent to supermarkets and stores, where they can be bought by customer.

The diagram below reflects the method of producing and treating You use this word too often, consider replacing it withcreambuttermilkhalf-and-half
milk
 for commercial sale. Overall
, the process consists of eight stages, beginning with cows grazing on the grass and ending up with the products reaching the stores.

At first
 cows graze on grass in the fields This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:previouslyprior to
before
being taken
 to a milking machine twice a day. Following that, the You use this word too often, consider replacing it withcreambuttermilkhalf-and-half
milk
is placed
 in daily refrigeration storage. After that, the You use this word too often, consider replacing it withcreambuttermilkhalf-and-half
milks
 is This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :relocated
moved
 to a truck, and it is then ready to be shipped
 to the You use this word too often, consider replacing it withdairy farm
dairy
. This procedure is repeated
 on a daily basis.

In the last four stages, after the You use this word too often, consider replacing it withcreambuttermilkhalf-and-half
milk
is supplied
 to the You use this word too often, consider replacing it withdairy farm
dairy
, it is refined
 into cheese, cream, and butter, among other You use this word too often, consider replacing it withdairy farm
dairy
 products. Following this, the You use this word too often, consider replacing it withcreambuttermilkhalf-and-half
milk
 goes through a pasteurization process This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:previouslyprior to
before
being packed
. Once the You use this word too often, consider replacing it withcreambuttermilkhalf-and-half
milk
 and You use this word too often, consider replacing it withdairy farm
dairy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :productscommoditiesmerchandises
goods
 have been refined
 and packed, they are This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :transmitted
sent
 to supermarkets and stores, where they can be This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :purchased
bought
 by customer. 

IELTS academic the production and processing of milk production for commercial sale

Academic

American English

3 paragraphs

156 words

6.0

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
?
One main idea per paragraph
?
Include an introduction and conclusion
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Support main points with an explanation and then an example
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
?
Vary your linking phrases using synonyms

Lexical Resource: 5.5

Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes

Grammatical Range: 6.5

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
Check your writing for errors

Task Achievement: 7.0

Answer all parts of the question
?
Present relevant ideas
Fully explain these ideas
?
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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