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the process of cememt and concrete

the process of cememt and concrete gqlOO
The diagram gives the information about the process to make cement and concrete steeply. In general, throughout the support of machine, it state with collecting limestone to concrete mixing. To the beginning, limestore and clay are gathered and crushed together to become a mixture. Followed by the rotating heater with high temperature and then the mixture are ground into cement. They are packed into bags which are already for consumption. On the next step, the picture show fifteen percent of cememt with 10 percent of water are collected with 25% sand and 50% graval. The concrete mixer rotate combination until get the preciate standant, that result are called concrete. Interestingly, the products is result of the contribution of manpower and machines.
The diagram gives the information about the process to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
cement and concrete
steeply
.
In general
, throughout the support of machine,
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'it'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
it state
with collecting limestone to concrete mixing.

To the beginning,
Possible spelling mistake found.
limestore
and clay
are gathered
and crushed together to become a mixture. Followed by the rotating heater with high temperature and then the mixture
are ground
into cement. They
are packed
into bags which are already for consumption.

On the
next
step, the picture
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
fifteen percent of
Possible spelling mistake found.
cememt
with 10 percent of water
are collected
with 25% sand and 50%
Possible spelling mistake found.
graval
. The concrete mixer rotate combination until
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
preciate
Possible spelling mistake found.
standant
, that result
are called
concrete.

Interestingly
, the products is result of the contribution of manpower and machines.
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IELTS academic the process of cememt and concrete

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
121 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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