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The populations of Asian elephants

The populations of Asian elephants rVak
The diagram illustrates the estimation of elephant population in 9 different countries from the year, 1997 and 2004. Overall, India had the highest number of elephants in both year while china had the lowest number of elephants in both years. The majority of country had a higher of population of elephant in 1997 than 2004. India had the highest population of elephant at just below ten thousand in 1997 which decreased to approximately 7500 in 2004. Myanmar had the second highest population of elephant at approximately 5250 elephants that dropped below 5000 in 2004. Meanwhile, China has the least elephant accounting at 1000 that suffers a decrease to about 500 in 2004. The majority of the country experienced a decreased number of elephants from the year 1997 to 2004. In exception for Laos that had maintained the same number of elephants at just above 1000. Furthermore, Cambodia population enjoyed an increase from approximately 1250 to 1500 between 1997 to 2004
The diagram illustrates the estimation of
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elephant
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population
in 9
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different
countries

from the year, 1997 and 2004.
Overall
, India had the highest
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number
of
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elephants
in both

year while china had the lowest
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number
of
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elephants
in both years. The majority of country

had a higher of
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population
of
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elephant
in 1997 than 2004.

India had the highest
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population
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elephant
at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
below ten thousand in 1997 which

decreased to approximately 7500 in 2004. Myanmar had the second highest
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population
of

elephant at approximately 5250
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elephants
that dropped below 5000 in 2004. Meanwhile,

China has the least
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elephant
accounting at 1000 that suffers a decrease to about 500 in

2004.

The majority of the country experienced a decreased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elephants
from the

year 1997 to 2004. In exception for Laos that had maintained the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of

elephants at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
above 1000.
Furthermore
, Cambodia
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
enjoyed an increase

from approximately 1250 to 1500
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 1997 and 2004".
between 1997 to 2004
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IELTS academic The populations of Asian elephants

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
159 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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