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The population of Asian Elephants

The population of Asian Elephants Y1Rd
Writing Task 1: Write at least 150 words about the information given. From the bar chart which was shown, there were 9 Asian country that still have the Asian elephants population. It was shown that the number of population decrease rapidly from 1997 to 2004. The worst decrease the population of Asian elephants was happened in Malaysia and Thailand with only less than a half than on 1997. In contrary, the population of Asian elephants in Laos didn't change, which was a good sign that Laos took a good care of their elephants. But the declining population of Asian elephants in India cannot be ignore either. They were losing about 2. 000 elephants only by 7 years. If this keep continue and the India government didn't take an actions, then the populations of Asian elephants in India would extinct by 10 years or more. So overall in 9 Asian country, the populations of Asian elephants keep declining except in Laos. And this was a big problem not only for the country who lost many of their elephants, but all of the Asian country who still have the Asian elephants. They need to take immediate actions for the future of Asian elephants.
Writing Task 1: Write at least 150 words about the information
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
.

From the bar chart which
was shown
, there were 9 Asian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
that
still


have the Asian
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "elephants'" or "elephant's"?
elephants
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
. It
was shown
that the number of

population decrease
rapidly
from 1997 to 2004. The worst decrease the

population of Asian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elephants
was happened
in Malaysia and Thailand with

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
less than a half than on 1997. In contrary, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
of Asian

elephants in Laos didn't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
, which was a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
that Laos took a

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elephants
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the declining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
of Asian

elephants in India cannot be
Consider using the past participle "ignored"?
ignore
either. They were losing about 2.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
000 elephants
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by 7 years. If this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
continue and the India
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government


didn't take
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "an action" or simply "actions"?
an actions
, then the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
populations
of Asian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elephants
in India

would extinct by 10 years or more.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
overall
in 9 Asian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, the

populations of Asian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elephants
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
declining except in Laos. And this was

a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
problem not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
who lost
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elephants
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but


Consider using "all the".
all of the
Asian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
who
still
have the Asian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elephants
. They need to

take immediate actions for the future of Asian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elephants
.
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IELTS academic The population of Asian Elephants

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
201 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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