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The pie charts below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie charts below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013. xmV8w
The given bar charts represent the percentages of online selling in New Zealand from 2 different years including year 2003 and 2013. Overall, it can be clearly seen that the interest of users on entertainments and books had increased, whereas people had a slightly decreased attention on travel and clothes. In 2003, traveling become the most attractive topics to online shoppers taking 36%. Followed by entertainments and clothes, which people around 24% and 21% respectively, interested in. The trend tended to have a few book readers since it took just 19% from all participants. By 2013, people tended to have more attention on films and books, which made the proportion alter to 33% and 22% consecutively. Therefore, entertainment took the vast majority of interest. In the meantime, traveling dropped to the second place at 29%. Moreover, dressing fashion got the least percentages at just 16%. In conclusion, it can be noticeable that New Zealander had less interested in travelling and clothing industry over 7 years, while they tended to shop more books and pay more to the touring company.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar charts represent the percentages of online selling in New Zealand from 2
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
years including year 2003 and 2013.
Overall
, it can be
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the interest of users on entertainments and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
had increased, whereas
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
had a
slightly
decreased attention on travel and clothes.

In 2003, traveling become the most attractive topics to online shoppers taking 36%. Followed by entertainments and clothes, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around 24% and 21%
respectively
, interested in. The trend tended to have a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
readers since it took
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
19% from all participants.

By 2013,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tended to have more attention on films and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
, which made the proportion alter to 33% and 22%
consecutively
.
Therefore
, entertainment took the vast majority of interest. In the meantime, traveling dropped to the second place at 29%.
Moreover
, dressing fashion
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
the least percentages at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
16%.

In conclusion
, it can be noticeable that New
Possible spelling mistake found.
Zealander
had less interested in travelling and clothing industry over 7 years, while they tended to shop more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
and pay more to the touring
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

IELTS academic The pie charts below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
179 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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