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The pie chart describe the reason why people travel to work by cycle or by car in Spain

The pie chart describe the reason why people travel to work by cycle or by car in Spain m9aXn
The pie charts illustrate the reasons of travelling of people to work by cycle or by car in Spain. As it is clear from the first chart that people describe five reasons behind their travelling to workplace by car. Almost 40% of the people feel comfortable on car to go to their work while half of them consider it safer than cycle (22%). Some people find difficult to reach their work because of distance, that's why 14% of people also prefer to go to work by car. One who say that need to carry things to work may also arise, they also prefer to go to work by car, accounts for 13% and same proportion of the population feels that it is faster than cycle. As, from the second chart, it is evident that same proportion of people prefer to go to work by cycle because of the reasons of health and fitness and it creates less pollution, which is accounted for 29 % each. While 16% of the workers believe that going on cycle creates no parking problems and 12% of them feel it inexpensive. However, some of them also find it faster than driving accounts for 40% of the total percentage. In conclusion it can be said that every kind of transportation has its own merits and demerits.
The pie charts illustrate the reasons of travelling of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cycle
or by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
in Spain.

“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
from the
first
chart that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
five reasons behind their travelling to workplace by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
. Almost 40% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel comfortable on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
to go to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
while half of them consider it safer than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cycle
(22%).
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
find difficult to reach their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of distance, that's why 14% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
prefer to go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
. One who say that need to carry things to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
may
also
arise, they
also
prefer to go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
, accounts for 13% and same proportion of the population feels that it is faster than cycle.

As, from the second chart, it is evident that same proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cycle
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the reasons of health and fitness and it creates less pollution, which
is accounted
for 29 % each. While 16% of the workers believe that going on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cycle
creates no parking problems and 12% of them feel it inexpensive.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them
also
find it faster than driving accounts for 40% of the total percentage.

In
The comma is probably missing here: "conclusion, it".
conclusion it
can
be said
that every kind of transportation has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
merits and demerits.
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IELTS academic The pie chart describe the reason why people travel to work by cycle or by car in Spain

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
220 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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