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The bar illustration/diagram depicts the information about higher studies for part-time and general students in Britain for both genders, classified in three intervals 1970/71, 1980/81 and 1990/91.

The bar illustration/diagram depicts the information about higher studies for part-time and general students in Britain for both genders, classified in three intervals 1970/71, 1980/81 and 1990/91. r6BDn
The bar illustration/diagram depicts the information about higher studies for part-time and general students in Britain for both genders, classified in three intervals 1970/71, 1980/81 and 1990/91. Data is calibrated in number of students in thousand. The prominent feature is persistent growth/decline in female students in general and unconventional learning style. The figure embellishes that the women has developed more interest in education. In 1970-71 just 750, 000 part-timers. In next ten 10 year they were 800, 000 and it reach peak in 1980-81 when the volume reached over one million. Similarly, increase can be observed in regular studies. Whereas, men have mixed ratios considering half-timer. Initially in 1970-71 there were nearly 1 million. The stats fall to 850, 000 in 1980-81 and elevate again to 900, 00 in 1990-91. General male students have constant increase in numbers. From less than 100, 000, latest figures have improved up to 200, 000. Part-time education is highly preferred than conventional method of schooling.
The bar illustration/diagram depicts the information about higher studies for part-time and general
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in Britain for both genders, classified in three intervals 1970/71, 1980/81 and 1990/91. Data
is calibrated
in number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in
Use "a thousand" or use a number before 'thousand'.
thousand
.

The prominent feature is persistent growth/decline in female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in general
and unconventional learning style.

The figure embellishes that the women has developed more interest in education. In 1970-71
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
750, 000 part-timers. In
next
ten 10 year they were 800, 000 and it
Did you mean "reaches"?
reach
peak in 1980-81 when the volume reached over one million.
Similarly
, increase can
be observed
in regular studies.

“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
have mixed ratios considering half-timer.
Initially
in 1970-71 there were
nearly
1 million. The stats fall to 850, 000 in 1980-81 and elevate again to 900, 00 in 1990-91. General male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have constant increase in numbers. From less than 100, 000,
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
figures have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
up to 200, 000.

Part-time education is
highly
preferred than conventional method of schooling.
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IELTS academic The bar illustration/diagram depicts the information about higher studies for part-time and general students in Britain for both genders, classified in three intervals 1970/71, 1980/81 and 1990/91.

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
161 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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