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The pie chart demonstrates the estimated expenditure of internet, TV, direct mail, newspapers, radio, magazines in 2005 and bar chart provides information of estimated change of expenditure of media types, which were mentioned before, in 2006.

The pie chart demonstrates the estimated expenditure of internet, TV, direct mail, newspapers, radio, magazines in 2005 and bar chart provides information of estimated change of expenditure of media types, which were mentioned before, in 2006. NV302
The pie chart demonstrates the estimated expenditure of internet, TV, direct mail, newspapers, radio, magazines in 2005 and bar chart provides information of estimated change of expenditure of media types, which were mentioned before, in 2006. First of all, the three significant expenditure were on the TV, direct mail and newspapers. According to the statistics for 2005, the highest spending 63. 3 billion dollars was accounted for the TV, the second most expensive type of media is direct mail, which cost 57. 2 billion dollars, the lowest of first trio was the indication in 49 billion dollars for the Newspapers. The least three costly apparatuses of the information distribution are radio, magazines, internet that required accordingly 21, 13 and 8, 8 billion dollars for development. On the second hand, the increase in the expenses was between 5-10 percent for every media type, except for internet that was higher than 25 percent. To sum up everything mentioned so far, two graphs represented the value of every media for advertising.
The pie chart demonstrates the estimated expenditure of internet, TV, direct mail, newspapers, radio, magazines in 2005 and bar chart provides information of estimated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
of expenditure of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
types, which
were mentioned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, in 2006.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the three significant expenditure were on the TV, direct mail and newspapers. According to the statistics for 2005, the highest spending 63. 3
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
billion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dollars
was accounted
for the TV, the second most expensive type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is direct mail, which cost 57. 2
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
billion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dollars
, the lowest of
first
trio was the indication in 49
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
billion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dollars
for the Newspapers. The least three costly apparatuses of the information distribution are radio, magazines, internet that required
accordingly
21, 13 and 8, 8
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
billion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dollars
for development. On the second hand, the increase in the expenses was between 5-10 percent for every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
type,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
except for
internet that was higher than 25 percent.

To sum up everything mentioned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
far, two graphs represented the value of every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "medium"?
media
for advertising.
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IELTS academic The pie chart demonstrates the estimated expenditure of internet, TV, direct mail, newspapers, radio, magazines in 2005 and bar chart provides information of estimated change of expenditure of media types, which were mentioned before, in 2006.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
168 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
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  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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