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The percentage of people using various mobile phone features

The percentage of people using various mobile phone features d7W6
The table compares the proportion of people in terms of different mobile phone features from 2006 to 2012. It was clear that making phone calls was the feature that people use the most when the percentage of pp who use playing music was the lowest. However, there was a significant increase in the percentage of people who use phones for searching on the internet. In 2006, people could not use their phone for recording a video or searching on the internet while 100 percent of the mobile phone user used their phone to make phone calls. We also saw that the second most popular feature was sending and receiving text messages and the third one was taking photos, at 73 percent and 66 percent respectively. During the period of time from 2006 to 2010, there was a dramatic increase in the percentage of mobile phone users who use the searching on the internet feature, from 0 percent in 2006 to 73 percent in 2010. In contrast, the proportion of people who use playing music feature remained the lowest.
The table compares the proportion of
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people
in terms of
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different
mobile
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phone
features from 2006 to 2012.

It was
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clear
that making
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phone
calls was the
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feature
that
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the most when the percentage of pp
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who
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use
playing music was the lowest.
However
, there was a significant increase in the percentage of
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people
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who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
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phones
for searching on the internet.

In 2006,
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people
could not
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use
their
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phone
for recording a video or searching on the internet while 100
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percent
of the mobile
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phone
user
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used
their
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phone
to
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make
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phone
calls. We
also
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saw
that the second most popular
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feature
was sending and receiving text messages and the third one was taking photos, at 73
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percent
and 66
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percent
respectively
.

During the period of time from 2006 to 2010, there was a dramatic increase in the percentage of mobile
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phone
users
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who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the searching on the internet
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feature
, from 0
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percent
in 2006 to 73
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percent
in 2010.
In contrast
, the proportion of
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people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
playing music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feature
remained the lowest.

IELTS academic The percentage of people using various mobile phone features

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
178 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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