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The graph below presents the employment patterns in the USA between 1930 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and report in the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below presents the employment patterns in the USA between 1930 and 2010. Erbq
The graph illustrate the patterns of employment in the USA from 1930 to 2010. Overall, all categories reached their high peak at the same time, whereas farming, fishing, and foresting fell to low point. Looking at the first data from industrial, remain stable from 1930 before increased slightly starting from 1960 and technical employment went through the same condition. Starting from 1970, both industrial and technical have around 10 employments before grew gradually in 1980 then reached the peak high in 2010 with around 30 employments. Regarding the data from sales and office and other services, both categories remail stable at the range of below 20. Although sales and office showed a quite fluctation from 1930 to 1970, it started to increased slowly in 1980 before finally reached the final data of 20 employments in 2010. Other services remain stable from 1930 to 2010 in around 10 employments despite a quite fluctation in year 1940 and almost reached 20, however, it decreased to around 10 employments until 2010. Finally, The farming, fishing and foresting fell dramatically from around 80 employments in 1930 to 0 employments in the year 2010.
The graph
Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "illustrates".
illustrate
the patterns of
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employment
in the USA from 1930 to 2010.
Overall
, all categories
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reached
their high peak at the same time, whereas farming, fishing, and foresting fell to low point.

Looking at the
first
data from industrial, remain stable from 1930
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
increased
slightly
starting from 1960 and technical
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employment
went through the same condition. Starting from 1970, both industrial and technical have
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around
10
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employments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
grew
gradually
in 1980 then
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reached
the peak high in 2010 with
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around
30 employments.

Regarding the data from sales and office and other services, both categories
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remail
stable at the range of below 20. Although sales and office
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
a quite
Possible spelling mistake found.
fluctation
from 1930 to 1970, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to increased
slowly
in 1980
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
finally
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reached
the final data of 20
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employments
in 2010. Other services remain stable from 1930 to 2010 in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
10
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employments
despite a quite
Possible spelling mistake found.
fluctation
in year 1940 and almost
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reached
20,
however
, it decreased to
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around
10
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employments
until 2010.
Finally
, The farming, fishing and foresting fell
dramatically
from
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around
80
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employments
in 1930 to 0
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employments
in the year 2010.
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IELTS academic The graph below presents the employment patterns in the USA between 1930 and 2010.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
189 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • The graph below presents the employment patterns in the USA between 1930 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and report in the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.