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the number of sold mobile phones in million in the period 2006-2012

the number of sold mobile phones in million in the period 2006-2012 YyRbK
The table illustrates the number of sold mobile phones in million in the period 2006-2012. There are five different brands in the table which show various trends. Firstly, Samsung and Apple demonstrate steady increases in the whole period. Samsung’s starting numbers grew more than doubled in six years while the number of the Apple phones started only 1 year later with lowest number in the whole period and ending with a multiple in 2012. Theremore, Apple’s number was ending in third place, preceded by Ericsson and Motorola. On the other hand, the numbers of the sold phones in Nokia rose slightly to 475 in 2008 but after that it fluctuated until the final number is a bit lower than the starting point. Another key feature, the numbers of the brand Motorola decline markedly so it shows a downward trend in the whole period. Similarly, the number of mobile phones in Ericsson. However, in the first two years increase modestly but after 2007 the numbers dropped steadily until they finished at 28, in the same place as Motorola. Overall, the table shows two upward trends, two brands demonstrate dramatic decrease and the other one presents a fluctuation.
The table illustrates the
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number
of sold mobile
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phones
in
Use "a million" or use a number before 'million'.
million
in the
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period
2006-2012.

There are five
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different
brands in the table which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
various trends.

Firstly
, Samsung and Apple demonstrate steady increases in the whole
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period
. Samsung’s starting
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numbers
grew more than doubled in six years while the
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number
of the Apple
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phones
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
1 year later with
A determiner is probably missing here: "the lowest".
lowest
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number
in the whole
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period
and ending with a multiple in 2012.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Theremore
, Apple’s
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number
was ending in third place, preceded by Ericsson and Motorola.

On the other hand
, the
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numbers
of the sold
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phones
in Nokia rose
slightly
to 475 in 2008
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
after that it fluctuated until the final
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
is a bit lower than the starting point. Another key feature, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
numbers
of the brand Motorola decline
markedly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
a downward trend in the whole
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period
.
Similarly
, the
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number
of mobile
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phones
in Ericsson.
However
, in the
first
two years increase
modestly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
after 2007 the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
numbers
dropped
steadily
until they finished at 28, in the same place as Motorola.

Overall
, the table
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
two upward trends, two brands demonstrate dramatic decrease and the other one presents a fluctuation.
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IELTS academic the number of sold mobile phones in million in the period 2006-2012

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
196 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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