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the number of people who are unemployed/ jobless/ have no job

the number of people who are unemployed/ jobless/ have no job b2y06
The given line chart gives the information about the number of people who were jobless in the US and Japan over a six-year period from March 1993 to March 1999. Overall, it can be seen that the proportion of unemployment in Japan recorded an upward trend whereas the other witnessed an opposite movement. Looking at the details, the percentage of unemployed workforce in Japan commenced at about 2. 4% in March 1993 and then rose steadily to around 3. 5% in 1996 before it stayed unchanged until 1998. After that, the data went up gradually and subsequently reached a peak of nearly 4. 7% in 1999. Conversely, starting at 7. 0% in March 1993, the number of people who have no job in the US experienced a significant decrease during the first two years. Following this, the figure fluctuated at approximately 5. 5% during a year before it declined marginally to roughly 4. 2% at the end of the period.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
line chart gives the information about the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who were jobless in the US and Japan over a six-year period from March 1993 to March 1999.
Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the proportion of unemployment in Japan recorded an upward trend whereas the other witnessed an opposite movement.

Looking at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, the percentage of unemployed workforce in Japan commenced at about 2. 4% in March 1993 and then rose
steadily
to around 3. 5% in 1996
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
it stayed unchanged until 1998. After that, the data went up
gradually
and
subsequently
reached a peak of
nearly
4. 7% in 1999.

Conversely
, starting at 7. 0% in March 1993, the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who have no job in the US experienced a significant decrease during the
first
two years. Following this, the figure fluctuated at approximately 5. 5% during a year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
it declined
marginally
to roughly 4. 2% at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the period.
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IELTS academic the number of people who are unemployed/ jobless/ have no job

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
160 words
7.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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